Saved, Single and Thirty(ish)!

Let me start this off by saying – if you’re not 30, I don’t know if you can relate to what’s about to be said, LOL! But forreal though! I don’t know what happens but when 30 hits – IT. GETS REAL! LOL! So, if you can’t relate – it’s fine – just go on somewhere because this ain’t for you!

So, if the Lord blesses me to see it – I will be 32 in a couple weeks! I feel great! I look great! (Speak good about yourself – it’s not being cocky, it’s confidence and it’s OK as long as you don’t go overboard, Okkkuuuuurrrrr!) Anywho, now I’ve told yall that Self-Honesty is my new found friend! She is so raw sometimes! She can be annoying! But at the end of the day, she is the TRUTH! So, when she brought to my mind the real deal of me actually being thirtyish and still single with no hopefuls in sight – anxiety kicked in heavily! Now – this is not meant to be shade in any way but this is just MY truth so if anyone gets offended by my next few statements, please know I apologize and I mean no disrespect to anyone! Okay – here goes – when you’re single and saved – I mean, really saved; not “Sunday morning saved”; not “I was raised in the church all my life but still do what I wanna do” saved; not “I believe in God but He taking too long” saved; not “I want a good man so I’m gonna quote some scriptures & wear a long skirt to attract one but I ain’t got nothing on the inside but some intestines” saved; I mean, “24/7, 365; trying to do what the WORD says from Genesis to Revelation; loving my neighbor as I love myself; treating others the way I want to be treated; ain’t nobody rubbing on me in private while I testify in public; even if I am no longer a virgin, since giving my life to God, I ain’t doing nothing until I get married,” saved (remember, no shade!) – things can sometimes be a little scary! Now, don’t get me wrong – when you’re really saved, you know that it’s important to wait on God because His timing is always perfect BUT it’s scary because, well you’re waiting on God!!! Some of us know, God’s timing is definitely not our timing! So, it can be discouraging sometimes when you’re desiring, A GOOD, SAVED MAN THAT ONLY WANTS ONE WOMAN AND IS READY TO BE MARRIED AND HAVE A FAMILY!

The reason it’s discouraging for me is, well I don’t know when God is gonna say the timing is perfect! I have zero children and want to have at least 2 one day so of course, the older you get, you run the risk of a harder pregnancy! That’s so scary to me!! I’ve wanted to be a mom literally all of my life and my baby fever lately is on GAZILLION, so I’m just like, “Hey God – that perfect timing coming soon or nah?” Plus, when you’ve dealt with such heartbreak as I have and never experienced real love, you’re sooooooooooooooo ready for that because you’ve found in Jesus how REAL love feels and you desire that in a companion!! You’re ready to experience real companionship in a spouse! See, to be with one man and have a family has been my dream for forever and a day! I wanted to get married young and pop out babies and while I know God makes no mistakes, to have that dream for so long, 31 almost 32 years seems like a long time to be waiting! (yes, I’m petty and counting ALL my years! LOL!) Especially when you see people who have that and they take advantage of it or don’t appreciate it! When I see moms especially, never wanting their kids or treating them badly, it literally breaks my heart! I think of women, like me, who have had the heart to be a good mother for as long as they could remember!!! But we’ll talk about that later!!!

I’ve tried online dating – even Christian Mingle and welp! I’m still single!!!! One of the biggest problems with being saved and single nowadays is there are people out there who say they are saved and don’t act like it! The Bible says, “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled…” Hebrews 13:4  as well as “Nevertheless to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.” 1 Corinthians 7:2! But it gets hard for people to believe Saved is Saved when people who say they are saved, sleep around just like everyone else! Now everyone thinks “saved” is just code for “I believe in God and go to church but there is no actual LIFE CHANGE!” I had a guy once so interested in me and I understand how big sex in a relationship is nowadays so I was honest with him very early and told him that there would be nothing until I was married! He dipped out so quick! My feelings weren’t hurt – it was actually quite comical to me but it was the reality of MY dating world! Up until that point, he claimed I had everything he was looking for – looks, personality, smart, funny, hard worker, in the church but no boogie down until the “I Do’s” – nosuhhh! And that’s generally how it goes! That or they don’t even make it to that park because their approach is so juvenile I wonder if they still suck a pacifier!

See when you’re a saved woman – standards are more than just having a job, own car and home – your standards start at his relationship with God! That’s THE most attractive thing about a man to you when you actually fall in love with Jesus! He can have the nicest car, the biggest home, the cutest smile, the cleanest suit – but as for me – if Jesus ain’t his #1 – move along sir, nothing to see!!! I dropped my standards I had in the world just to have someone! After my breakup and being a saved woman now, one thing I promised myself is that a man would have to seek God first before he ever had a shot at me! I even told some family members when they talked about setting me up  – he’ll have to date me in church before we ever actually go out anywhere! It sounds crazy but I mean that!!!! I’m not going to dinner – you can meet me at bible study! A nice casual lunch? Nope – let’s go to noon day prayer! Then once I’ve prayed on that thing and I feel like God has directed me to take a date outside of church – then I’ll try it but if my #1 is God and the church – why would I date someone who doesn’t have the same #1??? UNEQUALLY YOKED folks!! That’s a set up for a mess up!!!!! A guy will only do that for so long before his true colors show if he’s not about the right thing so before anything goes anywhere – let’s go to church!!

I used to dream of dinner and dancing with my spouse; showing him off to the world and him showing me off to the world; taking trips together; but now when I think of how things will be when God blesses me with him – I think of us with those things as well (yeah, we can dance for Jesus, turn UP!) BUT first I think of – us studying the word, together – us praying, together – us going to church, TOGETHER – us raising children in a God fearing and loving home, together! Those are the most important things to me! How sweet that will be keeps me from grabbing hold to anything that looks in my direction! It keeps me holding on to the fact that when God does it – it’s gonna be so good, it’s gonna OVERFLOW!!! I don’t want mediocre. I don’t want average. The Bible says, “Now unto him that is able to do exceeding (no l or y at the end of that!) abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us!” Ephesians 3:20! Above what we ask or even think! You know how deep that is! Your wildest, most lavish imagination – God can top that!!!! But it’s according to the power that worketh in US! So if you’re taking whatever floats your boat – ain’t no power working in you – you’re headed to sinking sand!!!

I always think – why would God bless me with A GOOD, SAVED MAN THAT ONLY WANTS ONE WOMAN AND IS READY TO BE MARRIED AND HAVE A FAMILY if I continue to give that which is holy to the dogs as well as casting my pearls before the swine???? Why would he bless me if I can’t even keep myself??? Now I’ve never been the type to sleep around – I’m a relationship girl to my heart but I don’t even want to waste my time texting/calling/boo-loving – nothing with anyone who isn’t the man God has for me! I gave too much of myself to men who didn’t deserve any part of me so this time – I want to do things the right way even if that means the long way! In the end – I know it’s gonna be worth it!! Even when it’s hard – it’s important for us to remember our worth and not take it just because it’s offered to us!!! We are WORTH MORE!!!!! So while I’m sitting here – saved, single AND thirtyish – it gets rough sometimes but I just continue doing the work of the Lord and taking care of home (me) first so I already have a foundation solid when he does come!

Until next time,

With Broken, Beautifulness,

-Kiesh