Psalms 51:16-17 “For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.”
“Look at Chris fat self, he busting out his clothes.”
“Boy you ugly I don’t want to talk to you.”
“You cute for a big dude but I just don’t like you.”
“Them shoes leaning boy I’m about to get you”
Words I heard growing up, never did I ever believe that they would effect me as an adult. My 6th and 7th grade years in school were the worst times of my life. Not because my father wasn’t present in my life, not because my mother was strung out on drugs, not because I lived in a broken home, none of these things were true. I hated these times of my life because of the things that were said about me.
They often taught us, “Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, but Words Could Never Hurt Me.” Honestly, that’s one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard in my life. Sometimes, words hit harder than a blow to the head, and cut deeper than any knife designed. I dreaded going to school, everyday felt like a war zone, if it wasn’t one person grilling me it was the next. I would literally make it home, have a sigh of relief and say, “I made it through another day.” It may sound dramatic, exaggerated, or maybe even embellished to some, but this is how I felt.
Over the years I found myself modeling my actions after those who I thought were cool or popular. I began to be a follower and do things I knew I shouldn’t do, because of the words I feared of facing if I didn’t. I’ve realized that we’re not careful enough with our speech, we say things and use words so lightly as if they hold no weight at all. How can we disregard the strength of words, when this whole universe was created by the words spoken through God’s mouth?
Words broke me, and when I got to high school, I began to use them to break others. Not intentionally, but the things I said made others laugh and made them want to be around me. I became popular behind the damaging words I said to or about others. If I felt I went too far I’d apologize, but sorry only helps so much, I know that from experience. People know me now and it feels good, but they don’t know me for me, they know me for being funny and always cracking jokes. I wanted people to accept me for who I was, not just call me around when they needed a quick giggle. The girls that I wanted didn’t want me, I would see them point in my direction and laugh, and it hurt. I hated looking weak so I thought being “tough” or looking “angry” would get me respect. Little did I know, it only pushed away the people who were actually trying to be a friend and love me for me.
The Lord saved me at 17, and that’s when he began to expose to me what I’d been dealing with. Being insecure because of my size, and attire, not that I was a bum, because I’ve always been fly 😎, I was just so caught up in what I didn’t have to where I overlooked what I did have. My insecurities spoke louder than my actual voice, and if I’m completely honest, I still haven’t overcome them completely. Tap your neighbor and say “NEIGHBORRR, I’m a work in progress.” God is still working on me and showing me how being broken isn’t always a bad thing. When our life is pieced perfectly together and everything is going smooth, we tend to forget God. Even when we’re paying tithes and giving back to the community, we still have to keep our relationship with God in tact. When we begin to fade away from God, we cause troubles for ourselves. We begin to be broken by our decisions, the cares of life, and the actions and/or words of others. The breaking hurts, but who do we turn to ? God ! Embrace the fact that you’ve been broken because God isn’t going to piece you back together with the broken pieces, he’s going to add newer, better and stronger pieces. My name is Christopher Duane Simon Jr. and I thank God that I’ve been Broken, Beautifully!