Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy guys!!! Omgosh, it’s been a little bit!!! When I was led to write this piece, I was so excited because I’ve missed it so much! But I’m not gonna be one to just write about meaningless things – what I share with you guys are very personal, very real experiences that I share to free myself and help someone at the same time!! So last Tuesday night, while talking to God and thinking on some things, He brought me here.
So!!! I did a couple videos a few weeks back about some things I had been going through months prior and how God was leading me to get through those things!! In the midst of going through those things, I didn’t realize that I allowed those situations to weigh on me so heavily that I was in a dry spell, spiritually. I was reading my Bible. I was in prayer. Yet, it seemed like I wasn’t connecting with God as closely as I was used too! See, I was telling God about everything on my mind and heart but I wasn’t GIVING it to Him! I wasn’t truly casting my cares upon Him!! So I was carrying burdens that I am simply not equipped to carry and that is not how God wants things to be. That’s what we do sometimes!
When you get saved, you’re under a microscope all of the time!!! Most are waiting for you to make a mistake, it seems and when you feel overwhelmed, sometimes it’s not as easy to let people know that you’re struggling a bit and even though it can be all over your face, not everyone sees it because they’re so busy waiting for you to fall! So even though I knew something was off, I knew I had to keep reading my Bible and praying!
So here I am, continuing in my routine and that’s how it was feeling too – like a routine! It felt so dry and disconnected! Like I know God was there – the dryness wasn’t on His part! I knew it was all me but I didn’t know what was causing it! I was so focused on the problems, knowing only God could solve them but still focused on the things that I had just told God about instead of focusing on Him!! That right there gets us every time!!! I always think of Peter! He was walking on the water to Jesus just fine until he started focusing on the storm around him! Keeping our eyes on Jesus is what takes us through the storm!
So since I wasn’t getting what was weighing me down, God started waking me up at like 3/4 in the morning, every morning!! I’d fight to go back to sleep! I was so tired all the time during those months! No matter how much I slept, I was exhausted! So I’m like, I gotta be up in 2/2 1/2 hours! He just kept waking me up! Kept waking me up! One night I woke up and just laid there! Then I said, “You must want me up, huh?” 🤦🏽♀️😂 And He did! My exhaustion wasn’t physical. It was mental. Even during the day, I was praying & reading but I was still focusing on other things during that time. Even dreaming about them so I never rested mentally! So when God started waking me up, I started reading my Bible and praying but at that hour, I wasn’t worrying about the daily issues at all! Only thing on my mind was sleep initially but then He helped me realize, “OK. God has me up for a reason!”
During that time, He let me see that I was in a dry spell! I was reading. I was praying but it wasn’t changing my mindset because I allowed my problems to block any effect they would have if I were open! Going through the motions is bodily exercise and the Bible tells us that it profiteth nothing! It’s good for nothing whatsoever! I had to literally practice the behavior of giving these things to God that I had never dealt with before!
One thing I’ve learned is a lot of people don’t tell you that a lot of the behaviors we need to change once saved, are behaviors that MUST be practiced! You don’t get patience overnight. It’s a learned behavior! You can’t just say you’re trying and then every time you get an opportunity to have patience you ignore it and do what you always have done! You can’t change that way! These were all new/recently resurfaced issues I was facing and I couldn’t just rely on what I had been doing on my normal, everyday walk! I had to go back to the manual (God) and seek instructions! We cannot lean on our own understanding to get through! We are not equipped and we are not reliable enough to overcome some battles we face! God has to sometimes remind us and take us back to when He first brought us out! We sometimes get way too comfortable! I know that was my issue! My dry spell came about because I was taking on things on my own! Thinking I could just keep on keeping on instead of going back to Jesus as a child, leaning on Him for help to get through!
Now some may look and judge and act as if there has never or will never be a time when a dry spell is present in their life and to those people who think that way, I sincerely pray it doesn’t! Looking back on it, it wasn’t fun! But I’m an honest person and I’m honest enough to say that sometimes God feels a million miles away from me and sometimes I feel a million miles away from God. I love Him. He loves me. But sometimes living saved is hard. Not to say I don’t want to be saved but I’m saying, it’s not all, “Hallelujah anyhow!” because of things like this! When you think you’re dotting every “i” & crossing every “t” to realize you’re on a hamster wheel, that can be very discouraging but it’s those very weaknesses that God needs us to bring to Him. He doesn’t look for us to be perfect but honest in the fact that we need Him every minute of every hour. Some folks act as though they’re on the right side of Jesus’ throne they’re so holy but I’ve found that kinda thinking gets me nowhere. I mess up. I fall asleep sometimes before praying. People get on my nerves at times. Sometimes, I don’t feel like reading my Bible. (Although I still do because as I tell God – I need to read, You don’t need me to read!) HONESTY! Rather it’s spiritual dryness or overcoming an addiction – we have to be honest in our mess to overcome our mess!!!
Now, I’m a firm believer that anything God allows us to go through and get through, He wants us to GROW through! So I’m a lot more conscious about leaving my crap at the throne! Sometimes it’s hard! Someone talks about it. Or you see it. It’s like, ugh! But whatever it may be the important thing is to try to do better!!
Lastly, anyone that is going through what they feel is spiritual dryness, don’t feel ashamed!!!!!! More have been there than you think! Talk to someone you trust if you feel you cannot get out of it on your own! Have them pray for you and with you! Be honest about what you’re going through! And please, don’t give up! It may seem like God isn’t there but He is right there and is simply waiting on you!!!
With Broken Beautifulness,