Omgosh, Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!! It seems like it’s been forever since I wrote a post but last night, when writing some things out in my journal – God nudged me, “You need to talk about this!” so of course, here I am!
So I’ve talked to you guys before about being in abusive relationships but I want to discuss accepting abusive behavior when it comes from a family member or close friend! See sometimes, it’s easier to notice abusive behavior from everyone except family members or people we’ve been friends with for a long time and we continue to enter into the cycle of allowing them to speak to and treat us however they want to whenever they want to because they’re family or have been in our lives for a long time! I am here to tell you that regardless of blood lines or history – ABUSE IS NOT OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had an issue come up over this past weekend; something that has constantly happened to me throughout my life and Friday – after I cried those tears, I told God that I couldn’t do it anymore! See abuse doesn’t just have to be someone putting their hands on you or cussing you out; abuse can be any negative behavior or words that make you feel or see yourself as less than you are! For example, my issue is when you’re giving your absolute all to a situation; you’re doing things out of the kindness of your heart; trying to be there for a person; to show them you truly love them and every time they feel like it, they do or say things that make you feel like what you’re doing is never good enough and you’re just a horrible person! ABUSE! ABUSE! ABUSE! No matter what you do; what you say; how you approach it; how you leave it – you are the one that is wrong and they accept absolutely no responsibility for the words they say or how they make you feel! It sucks! I know! But that last part is key – how THEY make YOU feel!” We have to stop giving people the keys to how we feel about ourselves especially when it could be no further from the truth! See, one thing I realized is this, people will paint the picture of you when that’s how they actually see themselves! They just haven’t had a good dose of that what??? That’s right, SELF HONESTY! So they project! You’re doing all you can while they’re barely doing anything but they will make it out to be like you’re the one in the wrong! It’s crazy! The cycle comes because they’ll apologize or stop for a while and then as soon as you let your guard down – it starts all over again! It’s draining because just when you’re feeling like things are OK – the drama starts and it’s just too much!
I told God Sunday morning while getting ready for church, it’s a new day in Kieshatown because while I’ve stopped abuse from most people, it’s also important to stop within those that are closest to me, i.e. family members and close friends! Now, I’ve told y’all that I AM saved, saved so I don’t believe in that “I forgive them but I don’t want them around me!” but what I DO believe in is this, You love them with the love and WISDOM of Jesus! See we focus on the love part but I don’t think everyone gets that we aren’t just to be dumb out here letting people walk all over us! We are called to BE wise and associate with those who ARE wise! So this is what I believe: I will always love you. If you truly need me, I will be there. However, what I will NOT do is put myself in situations to allow you to abuse me. If you’re in my presence, lets laugh, play, conversate, etc. but I will not seek you out! That’s unwise! If the person has shown us who they are, why don’t we believe them? They could be the nicest person to everyone else but for whatever PERSONAL reason, they don’t treat us well which is fine! That’s their personal problem, it does not have to be yours! However they think or feel about you is their business and when their thoughts and feelings go against your true character, it’s not your business! They have the right to say and do whatever they want to but you also have the right to ignore it and not allow it to manifest in your spirit!
Jesus knew how the Pharisees felt about Him; however, He didn’t seek them out, they just always popped up in His space with their negatives words, thoughts and accusations but Jesus never let them ruin His vibe. He was in His space. In His element. He didn’t allow how they felt to dictate who He knew He was. We have to take that same attitude on. Letting someone ruffle our feathers based on who THEY say we are. That’s THEIR opinion and an opinion doesn’t mean it’s truth! At the end of the day, we all know who we are. We know our intentions. And so does God. So if you and God know – who cares what anyone (especially those who choose to see the worse in you) thinks??
One thing we talked about in Sunday School this past week was steadfast love! My uncle brought out something so important – REAL LOVE chooses to see the good in you even when there is bad there! So someone who constantly tells you about how bad you are when you’re doing everything in your power to do good to them, there is a lack of REAL LOVE in that relationship which is a flowing stream to constant abuse! See, with these people, they try to make you earn their love but we all know with the sacrifice of Jesus, that REAL LOVE is not earned, it is given, freely! So love them freely but keep in mind, they’ve shown you that their love is conditional and if you make one false move, BOOM! They will explode! So don’t expect anything from them so you’re not constantly disappointed!
Whoever is in your life – no matter that relationship, no matter how they treat you, you still love them but love them with WISDOM! Protect your space. Preserve your peace! Don’t seek them out! They have shown you that they are not truly for you regardless of what you do – so stop the ABUSE! Know who you are and don’t let anyone make you feel less than!
With Broken Beautifulness,