Men’s Week Presents: Jonathan Heard’s “Ain’t It Funny How God Uses Our Brokenness To Make Us Whole?”

Looking back on my childhood I was absolutely blessed to have the Mother And Father that God bestowed upon me. My mother, a saved, strong minded beautiful lady, whom taught me about loving, cherishing and loving myself and others and so many other things. And my father, a Visionary whom I watched carefully, every move he made and whom I wanted to be around all the time. His Constant and Consistent dedication to God, and faithfulness towards the vision God had given him, made a lasting impression on my life and continues to till this day. I wanted nothing more but to grow up and be just like him.

March 29, 1991, one Early morning, that same man I wanted to be like passed away; it was devastating! Life after that day was more then just confusing, I was completely lost. I remember being not only mad at my dad but more at God, besides, my hero (my father) had given Him his all; He had done everything He asked him to do and in my mind, I’m saying, You have the nerve to take him from me?

One early morning when I was 16 years old I remember having a dream about him, I woke up crying and walked to the kitchen and just sat there by myself for hours. Finally, I walked to the knife drawer and got a butcher knife and as I placed it to my wrist these words came to me so clear:

“GO AHEAD AND DO IT! LIFE WOULD BE SO MUCH EASIER.”

Suddenly my mom wakes up and begins to walk down the hall and I hurry up & throw the knife back in the drawer. My Mom says to me, “what are you doing?” My reply, “nothing.”

As I got older, life got no easier for me. I pretended I was happy; besides I had a reputation to uphold by making people laugh but inside I was a bitter, angry man and it was all towards God. I realized now all the decisions I made; the alcohol, the women and the drug selling, it was a direct effect of me trying to find happiness. I became so disrespectful until not only did I get drunk, but I remember going to church with a hangover from the night before.

Approximately 7 years ago after all this bitterness and anger I had towards God, He not only saved me but He forgave me. A few months ago while in prayer I begin to cry out to God and I told him sorry for it all, he quickly replied to “AINT IT FUNNY?” I asked Him, “God what’s funny?” God replied back to me, “Ain’t it funny how I used all the anger, all the bitterness and every word you spoke against Me and I used it for your purpose?”

This post is for those that have suffered loss and are going through loss. You may be cracked but God won’t let you shatter. You may be bent but God won’t let you Break. Your heart make be broken but God is the #1 Cardiologist. But through it all, you will be mended and fixed because the same Love that allowed you to go through it, will be the same Love that will bring you out. COUNT IT ALL JOY.

Men’s Week Presents: Craig Wilson’s “Inferiority to Glory!”

Some years ago I use  to have a inferiority complex and was ashamed of the ability or lack of ability I had as it relates to playing  music. The thought of others being better than me constantly plagued me & rehearsed in my mind.

Being around other musicians made me uncomfortable due to what I thought  concerning my ability to play as it measured up to fellow musicians playing.

One day God spoke to me and  said, you just be you!!! & then I received encouragement through His word from Philippians 4:13 that states “I Can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me…”
Many times we hear  & see things and want to emulate that which we hear and see but at that moment in my life God allowed me to see the uniqueness He created me in and a mind to embrace it. I’ve been grateful for such and thank God for turning on the light during such a time in my life!

In His Image!

I don’t mind expressing My feelings;

How much I love, I’ll always show.

I give My everything to those around me;

Whatever you need, I got it; wherever you need Me, I’ll go!

I’m a Father to all of my children;

I am friend to whomever is in need.

The homeless find their shelter in Me;

Those who are bound, in Me are freed.

I have the strength & power to be a leader;

Yet, I’m a servant in all of My ways.

I am as humble as I am loving;

I will come find those that have strayed.

Peace I spread wherever I go;

And a keeper I am to all who want to be kept.

Sometimes things can get heavy for Me;

Remember there were times where even I wept.

But nothing will stop Me from being a Protector.

I’m a provider and this work is my privilege.

My work isn’t supposed to stop with Me;

That’s why I made man in My Image!

– Kiesh💕💕

Saved, Single and Thirty(ish)!

Let me start this off by saying – if you’re not 30, I don’t know if you can relate to what’s about to be said, LOL! But forreal though! I don’t know what happens but when 30 hits – IT. GETS REAL! LOL! So, if you can’t relate – it’s fine – just go on somewhere because this ain’t for you!

So, if the Lord blesses me to see it – I will be 32 in a couple weeks! I feel great! I look great! (Speak good about yourself – it’s not being cocky, it’s confidence and it’s OK as long as you don’t go overboard, Okkkuuuuurrrrr!) Anywho, now I’ve told yall that Self-Honesty is my new found friend! She is so raw sometimes! She can be annoying! But at the end of the day, she is the TRUTH! So, when she brought to my mind the real deal of me actually being thirtyish and still single with no hopefuls in sight – anxiety kicked in heavily! Now – this is not meant to be shade in any way but this is just MY truth so if anyone gets offended by my next few statements, please know I apologize and I mean no disrespect to anyone! Okay – here goes – when you’re single and saved – I mean, really saved; not “Sunday morning saved”; not “I was raised in the church all my life but still do what I wanna do” saved; not “I believe in God but He taking too long” saved; not “I want a good man so I’m gonna quote some scriptures & wear a long skirt to attract one but I ain’t got nothing on the inside but some intestines” saved; I mean, “24/7, 365; trying to do what the WORD says from Genesis to Revelation; loving my neighbor as I love myself; treating others the way I want to be treated; ain’t nobody rubbing on me in private while I testify in public; even if I am no longer a virgin, since giving my life to God, I ain’t doing nothing until I get married,” saved (remember, no shade!) – things can sometimes be a little scary! Now, don’t get me wrong – when you’re really saved, you know that it’s important to wait on God because His timing is always perfect BUT it’s scary because, well you’re waiting on God!!! Some of us know, God’s timing is definitely not our timing! So, it can be discouraging sometimes when you’re desiring, A GOOD, SAVED MAN THAT ONLY WANTS ONE WOMAN AND IS READY TO BE MARRIED AND HAVE A FAMILY!

 

The reason it’s discouraging for me is, well I don’t know when God is gonna say the timing is perfect! I have zero children and want to have at least 2 one day so of course, the older you get, you run the risk of a harder pregnancy! That’s so scary to me!! I’ve wanted to be a mom literally all of my life and my baby fever lately is on GAZILLION, so I’m just like, “Hey God – that perfect timing coming soon or nah?” Plus, when you’ve dealt with such heartbreak as I have and never experienced real love, you’re sooooooooooooooo ready for that because you’ve found in Jesus how REAL love feels and you desire that in a companion!! You’re ready to experience real companionship in a spouse! See, to be with one man and have a family has been my dream for forever and a day! I wanted to get married young and pop out babies and while I know God makes no mistakes, to have that dream for so long, 31 almost 32 years seems like a long time to be waiting! (yes, I’m petty and counting ALL my years! LOL!) Especially when you see people who have that and they take advantage of it or don’t appreciate it! When I see moms especially, never wanting their kids or treating them badly, it literally breaks my heart! I think of women, like me, who have had the heart to be a good mother for as long as they could remember!!! But we’ll talk about that later!!!

I’ve tried online dating – even Christian Mingle and welp! I’m still single!!!! One of the biggest problems with being saved and single nowadays is there are people out there who say they are saved and don’t act like it! The Bible says, “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled…” Hebrews 13:4  as well as “Nevertheless to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.” 1 Corinthians 7:2! But it gets hard for people to believe Saved is Saved when people who say they are saved, sleep around just like everyone else! Now everyone thinks “saved” is just code for “I believe in God and go to church but there is no actual LIFE CHANGE!” I had a guy once so interested in me and I understand how big sex in a relationship is nowadays so I was honest with him very early and told him that there would be nothing until I was married! He dipped out so quick! My feelings weren’t hurt – it was actually quite comical to me but it was the reality of MY dating world! Up until that point, he claimed I had everything he was looking for – looks, personality, smart, funny, hard worker, in the church but no boogie down until the “I Do’s” – nosuhhh! And that’s generally how it goes! That or they don’t even make it to that park because their approach is so juvenile I wonder if they still suck a pacifier!

See when you’re a saved woman – standards are more than just having a job, own car and home – your standards start at his relationship with God! That’s THE most attractive thing about a man to you when you actually fall in love with Jesus! He can have the nicest car, the biggest home, the cutest smile, the cleanest suit – but as for me – if Jesus ain’t his #1 – move along sir, nothing to see!!! I dropped my standards I had in the world just to have someone! After my breakup and being a saved woman now, one thing I promised myself is that a man would have to seek God first before he ever had a shot at me! I even told some family members when they talked about setting me up  – he’ll have to date me in church before we ever actually go out anywhere! It sounds crazy but I mean that!!!! I’m not going to dinner – you can meet me at bible study! A nice casual lunch? Nope – let’s go to noon day prayer! Then once I’ve prayed on that thing and I feel like God has directed me to take a date outside of church – then I’ll try it but if my #1 is God and the church – why would I date someone who doesn’t have the same #1??? UNEQUALLY YOKED folks!! That’s a set up for a mess up!!!!! A guy will only do that for so long before his true colors show if he’s not about the right thing so before anything goes anywhere – let’s go to church!!

I used to dream of dinner and dancing with my spouse; showing him off to the world and him showing me off to the world; taking trips together; but now when I think of how things will be when God blesses me with him – I think of us with those things as well (yeah, we can dance for Jesus, turn UP!) BUT first I think of – us studying the word, together – us praying, together – us going to church, TOGETHER – us raising children in a God fearing and loving home, together! Those are the most important things to me! How sweet that will be keeps me from grabbing hold to anything that looks in my direction! It keeps me holding on to the fact that when God does it – it’s gonna be so good, it’s gonna OVERFLOW!!! I don’t want mediocre. I don’t want average. The Bible says, “Now unto him that is able to do exceeding (no l or y at the end of that!) abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us!” Ephesians 3:20! Above what we ask or even think! You know how deep that is! Your wildest, most lavish imagination – God can top that!!!! But it’s according to the power that worketh in US! So if you’re taking whatever floats your boat – ain’t no power working in you – you’re headed to sinking sand!!!

I always think – why would God bless me with A GOOD, SAVED MAN THAT ONLY WANTS ONE WOMAN AND IS READY TO BE MARRIED AND HAVE A FAMILY if I continue to give that which is holy to the dogs as well as casting my pearls before the swine???? Why would he bless me if I can’t even keep myself??? Now I’ve never been the type to sleep around – I’m a relationship girl to my heart but I don’t even want to waste my time texting/calling/boo-loving – nothing with anyone who isn’t the man God has for me! I gave too much of myself to men who didn’t deserve any part of me so this time – I want to do things the right way even if that means the long way! In the end – I know it’s gonna be worth it!! Even when it’s hard – it’s important for us to remember our worth and not take it just because it’s offered to us!!! We are WORTH MORE!!!!! So while I’m sitting here – saved, single AND thirtyish – it gets rough sometimes but I just continue doing the work of the Lord and taking care of home (me) first so I already have a foundation solid when he does come!

Until next time,

With Broken, Beautifulness,

-Kiesh

I mean my Yes!

Life has never been perfect or easy for me. Seemed like I lost before I even began to try to win. Still I always felt a nudge… a voice… pushing me to never give in. 

When nothing ever made sense & I realized it was time to give You my best; something down on the inside helped me proclaim “I mean my Yes!”

 

Day after day, attack’s come to force me to leave You behind; Your word or songs come to remind me You’re a friend of mine.

So I grab ahold of Your promises because You’ve told me you’d deliver nothing less; that’s why it gets easier to stay focused and proclaim “I mean my Yes!”

 

Do I think ol boy is salty? Don’t I know he’s fighting mad? I’m sure he’s plotting right now but that’s just gonna be too bad! Because no matter the storms that come; no matter how many times I cry; no matter who comes into my life or who mockingly says “goodbye!”; no matter if my purpose is questioned or looked at as a joke; no matter if I’m supported or not because we all know about folk; no matter how hard it seems to get; or how many obstacles he puts in my test…. I mean I’ll stand and scream with everything in me:

“I. MEAN. MY. YES!”

 

– Kiesh 

Bullying Survivor: Dekisha Heard!

As a child, all I ever wanted to do was fit in. To be liked. The kids in school would always pick on me and I just never understood why. One day a classmate told me why they wouldn’t play with me, he said, “you’re too black and too ugly”. So, all through school, I was labeled as the ugly, black girl. I never wanted to go to school because I was so bullied. “Tar baby!” that’s what they called me. I never went and told my mom and dad because I was so ashamed and afraid. Being bullied was a normal routine for me. There was always one boy in particular that really picked on me and one day he punched me in the stomach. At that point, I was so confused and hurt because I still didn’t understand. People would say he did that because he liked me but that didn’t feel like being liked. I went to school everyday and they would tell the boys “that’s you right there. The black stallion.” Being funny towards me.

All through elementary and middle school. I got so tired of it, so I started fighting. I just thought I was defending myself. The older I got, I never took pictures because I still thought I was ugly. Where I am now, living for God – He showed me that I am beautiful inside and out because He created me. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks but Him and He’s blessing me to be more confident in myself and in being able to take pictures!

My words to someone who is currently going through bullying due to the dark color of your skin… don’t worry about what they say – BLACK IS IN

His Intention!

Lord! Are you there? Surely you see what’s happening to me…. Oh I’m so tired of crying, I’m tired of feeling bound, I am just wanting to be free.

 

Lord! Can you hear me? I just can’t take it anymore. This arguing and fighting… He leaves the house yelling, comes back “sorry” & I just open up the door.

 

Lord! Why is this happening? I feel my heart beating outside my chest. I’m afraid to leave, I’m tired of staying. Is this love at its best?

 

Lord! Did you see that? He left me standing in a room of tears. After every up and down we faced; all the love & hate of 5 long years.

 

Lord! Can you feel that? This is a deep, strenuous kind of hurt. I don’t want to be seen, I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to hear someone telling me to see my worth.

 

Lord! Are you doing this? Seems like I’m feeling a little more strong. I’m reading my Bible & praying much more than before, feels like You’re pushing me right along.

 

Lord! You watching me? I know You can see I’m feeling better. I’m not crying anymore; I’m more comfortable with myself; feels like You’re putting me back together.

 

Lord! I just wanna thank You! I don’t know why I worried at all! You knew what to do from the very start; You knew there was Glory in the fall. You knew I wouldn’t understand & have so many questions that I’d forget to mention. Mostly You knew You’d make me better than before & that was always Your intention.

 

– Kiesh

BULLYING SURVIVOR: Nathan Kelly!

“As a child, I exuded a tremendous amount of love and sympathy for people; desiring for everyone to display forgiveness, compassion, and appreciation for one another. My dream of what life should be, quickly detoured, and became my reality. The scrutiny, silent judgment, and the slandering of my name crushed my heart. Everywhere I turned, I became weighed down by others scornful words. Being mentally and emotionally abused reshaped how I viewed love and what the world consists of.

While I was torn to shreds by the vicious words of the world (even by members in my family) I was left with so many questions: Why me? Am I good enough? Maybe, life would be easier if I ended it all? These questions suffocated me to the point I was gasping for air—wishing and praying that I would be released! 365 days out of each year I lived with a monster that belittled, tormented, and judged my character. Imagine everywhere you turned, there was only pain. Being bullied became my norm; I hated it but expected it at the same time. I thought I would never see a day where peace would be a part of my everyday life, BUT HERE I AM! Set free and mentally and emotionally released from worrying about the opinion of others! God’s love is what held me up and took me through! So, I say to the one that is facing bullying, SURVIVE!”

#nomorebullying #brokenbeautifully #wearebrokenbeautifully

“What my insecurity looked like!” from Jennifer Greer

Whew where do I start? I still remember the 1st time I heard it.. “You’re the black version of Miss Piggy”… at the time it didn’t click I was being made fun of because we were just playing normal. It wasn’t till I told my mom what was said and she wanted to know who said that to me, that it was more to it than I realized. As I got older I continued to gain weight, then I had to start wearing glasses so that made it worse. Kids befriended me because my mom worked crazy hours so I was always home alone, so they used that for their time to do whatever with whomever, and I of course allowed it wanting to fit in. Guys would act like they wanted to talk to me, but all they really wanted was one thing only to get mad when I said no, and proceed to tell me they didn’t want my fat black self anyway, they were doing me a “favor”. I began to wish and dream I was someone else, preferably a smaller light skin version of myself because it seemed that’s who people flocked too. So many nights I cried myself to sleep hating my life, hating myself, wanting to be different so bad, not understanding why I couldn’t look like my father who was light skin, or my grandmother. I allowed my insecurity to rule my life, became a puppet to many so I would feel important, especially with men. I would tell myself this was okay and nothing will ever change that, allowing men to mistreat me, verbally and physically BUT GOD showed me that I was more than that. Now I’m a mother to two beautiful girls, and I remind them daily we are not defined by our weight, our skin color nor how we dress; that we are beautiful inside and out. There are moments those insecurities creep up but I remind them and myself, I may be black, I may be big but God reminds me daily, I’m beautiful!❤

You are beautiful! Walk in that truth EVERYDAY!!

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“What my Insecurity looked like” from Adair Ellis!

I can remember all the way back in school being made fun of. I was talked about because of the color of my skin, because I wore glasses and whatever else people could say, they would. As I grew older I began to believe these things people would say about me. I felt ugly and did not know my worth. People all through school and even my friends never knew my life beyond school hours and the things I was struggling with. Not knowing my father, my mom out doing drugs leaving me home to play mommy and not understanding life at all at such a young age, on top of trying to act like the rude comments didn’t affect me. I didn’t know who I was! I started dating. I would talk to whoever would talk to me. Sleeping with guys, thinking I could keep someone with the power of you know. Even in relationships men always cheated on me! I felt so unattractive inside and out. Intimidated by women who I felt looked better than me. I became a mean individual. I really struggled with my identity. I found my comfort in being alone and making money which was working jobs to make myself look better! That never worked either, I still felt ugly and was being promiscuous. Now that I have found God, I am slowly but surely learning who I am. But I am learning that God made me in his image and I am learning to love the skin I’m in!

The proof is in her smile!!!!💕😍

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