Prepared for Greater: THANK YOU!

“If it had not been for the shaking,

I never would have been ready for the making, no

If it had not been for the beating,

I would have never knew how anointed I would be.

If it had not been for the pressing,

I wouldn’t be able to walk into my destiny.”

I am sitting here listening to Jekalyn Carr’s “Greater is Coming” with tears in my eyes because as I listened to the words of this song, it made me think of what I’ve gone through in my own life and without it, I probably wouldn’t be where I am today. It also confirmed to me God’s desire for me to write this post as He put it on my heart to do so, Sunday evening.

Nobody likes to feel pain. We don’t like to be uncomfortable. Yet, sometimes those are the very things that make our lives more powerful than we could have ever imagined. At least, that’s how I feel about my life. For those who have been on this journey with me from the beginning – you’ve read of the things that I have gone through in my life. You’ve read about the insecurities. The bullying. The abuse – mentally, emotionally, sexually and physically. You’ve read how I considered suicide. You know that this has not been an easy journey in the least. This isn’t something anyone would read and say – “Ooooo I want her life!” No – this isn’t the fairy tale story you dream of as a little girl. Yet, if I could talk to young Kiesha right now – I’d look that little girl in the eyes – eyes full of hopes & dreams and the soul crushing desire to be loved and I’d tell her that this journey is going to hurt. That it’s going to test all the strength she has within her and even what she doesn’t; that she’d be betrayed beyond what she thought possible and that it’s going to hurt her and break her heart in more pieces than anyone could count – but I’d tell her that in time she will realize that it’s WORTH IT!

I think back over this past weekend – the vision that God gave me for Broken Beautifully – to reach women – old and young to help them see themselves as God sees us: Beautiful. Fearless. Worthy. Priceless. Amazing. Strong. POWERFUL. I saw the vision play out right before my eyes and I am in complete awe of God! Our FIRST annual women’s service, “The Power of A Woman When The Power of God is Within Her!” was nothing short of amazing. I saw women lay before God and surrender themselves. I saw women come together to encourage and help one another. I saw women literally carrying each other as they gave themselves and their burdens to God. I saw support. I saw power. I saw LOVE. As I watched this play out before my eyes – God let me know, “you see why you cannot give up?” This is not to say there is any power in me – I am simply a willing vessel. However, God uses the things we’ve gone through as our testimony and ultimately our ministry and with what I saw Saturday, I think to myself – what if I would’ve given up? What if I would’ve cancelled the service because it didn’t seem as though it was coming together? What if I would’ve cancelled it because there wasn’t as much support as I was hoping for? The blessings that fell from Heaven; the deliverance that took place; the Word; the fellowship – all of that would’ve not happened on that night, in that place, all because I would have allowed what was going around to hinder what I know God is doing & using within me! But before all of that – what if I had never gone through the things I went through! There wouldn’t have been the vision of Broken Beautifully! Think of Jesus! His victory came AFTER He went through hurt, pain and betrayal! All of those things pushed Him towards His destiny and ultimately gave Him ALL POWER!

During the open panel discussion – Evangelist Tiffiney Birdsong told us that we should THANK those who have hurt us in the past! WHAT A GOLDEN NUGGET! Now some people would be like, “what???” But when you think about it – when you take the hurt and pain you’ve gone through and allow God to use that for good – your life will be transformed because you realize – through trying to help someone else, God is healing me and not only that – GOD IS USING ME! (OH to be used by God! Nothing like it!)

If it had not been for the restless nights. The millions of tears cried. The heartache and heartbreak. The neglect. That hate. The bullying. The BREAKING – I wouldn’t have been put back together even better than I was before!

I wanna tell anyone who is battling with brokenness still – GIVE IT TO GOD! Let go of all the hurt and pain – it won’t be easy but it will be worth it and one day, I promise you – one day you’ll be able to genuinely do what I am about to!

I dedicate this post and I truly thank from the bottom of my heart to each person who has done/said the following:

Lied on, talked about, hated on me.
Physically abused me.
Sexually abused me.
Mentally abused me.
Emotionally abused me.
Falsely accused me.
Plotted against me.
PREYED on me.
Cheated on me.
Made me feel or called me ugly, fat or anything in the ugly/fat family.
Not had my best interest at heart.
BROKE ME.

You have made this journey interesting. You’ve made this journey rough at times but ultimately you pushed me into the arms of the most wonderful man I’ve ever known – JESUS CHRIST and His love has refreshed, revived and restored me in ways that I never thought possible! He has given my life purpose in Him and in the process, He has blessed me with amazing people that truly support, inspire and push me to keep HIM first and to be the best version of myself EVERY DAY! So y’all ROCK like an unstable cradle! I love y’all the long way and know that you meant it for my bad but God TURNED IT – turned it so much that instead of bad, I am PRAYING for your prosperity and favor and that one day God will change your life as He did mine!

Peace. Love. And Good Skin.

With Broken Beautifulness,

-Kiesh

Love Yourself Enough To Love Yourself Enough: Stop Accepting The Cycle of Being Abused!

Omgosh, Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!! It seems like it’s been forever since I wrote a post but last night, when writing some things out in my journal – God nudged me, “You need to talk about this!” so of course, here I am!

So I’ve talked to you guys before about being in abusive relationships but I want to discuss accepting abusive behavior when it comes from a family member or close friend! See sometimes, it’s easier to notice abusive behavior from everyone except family members or people we’ve been friends with for a long time and we continue to enter into the cycle of allowing them to speak to and treat us however they want to whenever they want to because they’re family or have been in our lives for a long time! I am here to tell you that regardless of blood lines or history – ABUSE IS NOT OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had an issue come up over this past weekend; something that has constantly happened to me throughout my life and Friday – after I cried those tears, I told God that I couldn’t do it anymore! See abuse doesn’t just have to be someone putting their hands on you or cussing you out; abuse can be any negative behavior or words that make you feel or see yourself as less than you are! For example, my issue is when you’re giving your absolute all to a situation; you’re doing things out of the kindness of your heart; trying to be there for a person; to show them you truly love them and every time they feel like it, they do or say things that make you feel like what you’re doing is never good enough and you’re just a horrible person! ABUSE! ABUSE! ABUSE! No matter what you do; what you say; how you approach it; how you leave it – you are the one that is wrong and they accept absolutely no responsibility for the words they say or how they make you feel! It sucks! I know! But that last part is key – how THEY make YOU feel!” We have to stop giving people the keys to how we feel about ourselves especially when it could be no further from the truth! See, one thing I realized is this, people will paint the picture of you when that’s how they actually see themselves! They just haven’t had a good dose of that what??? That’s right, SELF HONESTY! So they project! You’re doing all you can while they’re barely doing anything but they will make it out to be like you’re the one in the wrong! It’s crazy! The cycle comes because they’ll apologize or stop for a while and then as soon as you let your guard down – it starts all over again! It’s draining because just when you’re feeling like things are OK – the drama starts and it’s just too much!

I told God Sunday morning while getting ready for church, it’s a new day in Kieshatown because while I’ve stopped abuse from most people, it’s also important to stop within those that are closest to me, i.e. family members and close friends! Now, I’ve told y’all that I AM saved, saved so I don’t believe in that “I forgive them but I don’t want them around me!” but what I DO believe in is this, You love them with the love and WISDOM of Jesus! See we focus on the love part but I don’t think everyone gets that we aren’t just to be dumb out here letting people walk all over us! We are called to BE wise and associate with those who ARE wise! So this is what I believe: I will always love you. If you truly need me, I will be there. However, what I will NOT do is put myself in situations to allow you to abuse me. If you’re in my presence, lets laugh, play, conversate, etc. but I will not seek you out! That’s unwise! If the person has shown us who they are, why don’t we believe them? They could be the nicest person to everyone else but for whatever PERSONAL reason, they don’t treat us well which is fine! That’s their personal problem, it does not have to be yours! However they think or feel about you is their business and when their thoughts and feelings go against your true character, it’s not your business! They have the right to say and do whatever they want to but you also have the right to ignore it and not allow it to manifest in your spirit!

Jesus knew how the Pharisees felt about Him; however, He didn’t seek them out, they just always popped up in His space with their negatives words, thoughts and accusations but Jesus never let them ruin His vibe. He was in His space. In His element. He didn’t allow how they felt to dictate who He knew He was. We have to take that same attitude on. Letting someone ruffle our feathers based on who THEY say we are. That’s THEIR opinion and an opinion doesn’t mean it’s truth! At the end of the day, we all know who we are. We know our intentions. And so does God. So if you and God know – who cares what anyone (especially those who choose to see the worse in you) thinks??

One thing we talked about in Sunday School this past week was steadfast love! My uncle brought out something so important – REAL LOVE chooses to see the good in you even when there is bad there! So someone who constantly tells you about how bad you are when you’re doing everything in your power to do good to them, there is a lack of REAL LOVE in that relationship which is a flowing stream to constant abuse! See, with these people, they try to make you earn their love but we all know with the sacrifice of Jesus, that REAL LOVE is not earned, it is given, freely! So love them freely but keep in mind, they’ve shown you that their love is conditional and if you make one false move, BOOM! They will explode! So don’t expect anything from them so you’re not constantly disappointed!

Whoever is in your life – no matter that relationship, no matter how they treat you, you still love them but love them with WISDOM! Protect your space. Preserve your peace! Don’t seek them out! They have shown you that they are not truly for you regardless of what you do – so stop the ABUSE! Know who you are and don’t let anyone make you feel less than!

With Broken Beautifulness,

-Kiesh

Forever My Buddy💙

An unlikely friendship formed between us two;

But all along God knew what you had to go through.

He knew you’d need a friend, although we had a distant start;

He knew I had so much love to give within my heart.

I’ll miss you playing with the kiddies; believe me, they’ll miss you too;

I’ll miss you saying “What do you want LaKiesha?”; nobody can say it like you.

I’ll miss our conversations and mostly I’ll miss your loud laugh;

I’ll miss you singing to Paul Morton; but I promise, I won’t stay sad.

I know you’re not hurting anymore – that’s what helps me be okay;

It was time for your forever, so on this earth you could not stay.

But God has been working, even when we couldn’t see;

He just had to get you ready for your greatest journey.

6 months, 4 days; you fought for so long;

Don’t worry about MaMa – even in her weakness, God remains strong.

Our last talk, you told that I’ll always be your buddy;

You’ll forever be mine, Gregory Lynn; forever it will be.💙

I’m sorry!… wait… but why?

Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy guys!!!!!! So this piece! Omgosh! Part of some of what I had been going through months prior!! This piece is covering something I’m sure a lot of us have gone through!! So…. here goes!

So I’ve told you guys I was a person that dealt with insecurity heavily in the past! I used to never feel good enough. Pretty enough. Smart enough. Thin enough, etc. I just didn’t like anything about how I looked on the outside or felt on the inside! However, through giving my life to God – learning who I am in His eyes, my confidence grew as well as me growing spiritually in Him! I get told so much how much I’ve grown. Girls and women telling me that I’ve encouraged them. Gods presence in my life was and is evident and I’ve told you guys before – last year I gave my ALL to Him! I stayed in my word and stayed on my knees praying to My Father! The Bible tells us that if we draw nigh to God, He will draw nigh to us & if I didn’t see it in anyone else’s life, I see it in mine! Now through all God had started doing in my life… showing me how to love myself; Broken, Beautifully; being filled with the Holy Ghost – I could sense a heavy presence of “feeling some kind of way!” There were people I came across that I discerned weren’t as happy on the inside as they portrayed to be on the outside of my growth in life! At first, it was like, “okay, maybe I’m trippin!” But the more I fought it – the more God showed me of the wolves in sheep clothing! Now my crazy self – instead of pushing through and not letting it get to me, I started muting what God was doing in my life! I started apologizing for God’s favor and the goodness that came outta my hard work! Isn’t that just the dumbest thing? But I guarantee I’m not the only one who has done it!

My uncle put it this way one night in Bible study! He said imagine two people entering a race. One trains at least 6 days a week and is eating right; while the other barely makes it to the gym 3 days a week & eats whatever they want! Race day comes and the one who trains hard. The one who started off the race a bit slower – picks up pace in the middle of the race & eventually wins! Then because the one that lost is “feeling some kind of way” – the winner goes and apologizes for winning! DUMB. DUMB. DUMB. Now this is in no way saying to boast in any favor or goodness in our life but it’s saying to stop being ashamed of Gods favor and apologizing for what He does in your life ESPECIALLY if you’ve put in the work to get to that point!

One thing I was so bad of doing and learning to get out of is to stop making people’s problems of me just living my life my own problem! They don’t like my personality? Personal problem. They don’t like my love for God? Personal problem. They don’t like my self confidence/Godfidence? Personal problem! I don’t walk around trying to make others feel bad about themselves but I try to compliment and encourage others when and where I can! Some accept it. Some look at me like I’m crazy but again that’s THEIR. PERSONAL. PROBLEM! We have to stop seeking acceptance from people and know that the only people that need to accept us is God and ourselves; if those two are good then the rest will follow and anyone that is meant to be in your life and is meant for your good – will be there!! I have struggled with wanting to be accepted by everyone so much in my life and a lot of choices I made went south because of that issue! When I reflect back on that and realize that the very ones I was trying to get to accept me are now nowhere in sight it confirms that acceptance from the wrong people is temporary! The people I have in my life right now – the ones I tell everything to and they know things about me that I’ve never shared with anyone – even those things I wish I could forget – omgosh they are like a dream! They accept my quirky, weird, extra, over the top, overly emotional, goofy self and it amazes me sometime how much they love me and push me to be the best I can be! That’s how it SHOULD be – it doesn’t matter where I am in my life – they support it and they push me to do better and I never have to apologize for it and I do the same for them!

If you find when you are growing and doing better in anyway and those around you start to feel some kind of way or act some kind of way or you get that feeling that you need to dim your light – you have some undercover haters in your midst! Now realizing this is the first step to A. making sure you don’t start feeling some kind of way towards them because of their attitude towards you and B. not allowing their problem to weigh you down and become your problem! So, what I started doing was this – I was honest about who those people were with God & myself; despite how close to me I thought they were and despite how upset it made me to realize they were actually being fake towards me the whole time. Once I was honest about it – I started really praying about it! I didn’t pray against them but I prayed against myself – for me to not let it bother me when I could tell they weren’t being genuine and also for God to give me a blind eye and a deaf ear to any further display of undercover haterism and also asked Him to help me to not apologize for what He was doing in my life and to help me to stop dimming my light because it made others uncomfortable!

Now, if you are like me – I spent a lot of years in a shell; not comfortable with myself; thinking I was less than nothing; thinking God could never use me and in the past two years, every thing I’ve thought, the last 30 years has been proven to be an absolute lie! So there are some who would have loved for me to stay in that shell – just like you – stay in your shell because then you’ll stay the same and won’t have any chance of being better! I’ve realized when you’re down, those not good for you type people, are your best friends! They stay in your face. Inviting you places. They’ll always be “there for you!” Checking in on you. However, as soon as you start to overcome and do better – you only hear from them every now & again when they wanna see if you’ve fallen although they disguise it as “how have things been with you?” hahahahahaha! I’m sorry – I just cracked my own self up!

Seriously though!!! Being happy about what God has done for you when you thought you were nothing; of overcoming past hardships when people told you that you’d never amount to anything; of being confident in your skin despite your size – STOP APOLOGIZING BECAUSE IT MAKES OTHERS UNCOMFORTABLE!!! You don’t have to boast to be excited!!! You don’t have to pretend either – be you for you!!

I am a happy, single, plus sized, God-loving, makeup wearing, goofy, fashion obsessed woman that loves to laugh, make others smile and feel better about themselves & who is allowing God to use me in the way He sees fit and I will no longer apologize! Make your declaration today too yall!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Romans 5:3-5!

2 Timothy 1:8,9

With Broken Beautifulness,

Kiesh💕💕

Spiritual Dryness!

Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy guys!!! Omgosh, it’s been a little bit!!! When I was led to write this piece, I was so excited because I’ve missed it so much! But I’m not gonna be one to just write about meaningless things – what I share with you guys are very personal, very real experiences that I share to free myself and help someone at the same time!! So last Tuesday night, while talking to God and thinking on some things, He brought me here.

So!!! I did a couple videos a few weeks back about some things I had been going through months prior and how God was leading me to get through those things!! In the midst of going through those things, I didn’t realize that I allowed those situations to weigh on me so heavily that I was in a dry spell, spiritually. I was reading my Bible. I was in prayer. Yet, it seemed like I wasn’t connecting with God as closely as I was used too! See, I was telling God about everything on my mind and heart but I wasn’t GIVING it to Him! I wasn’t truly casting my cares upon Him!! So I was carrying burdens that I am simply not equipped to carry and that is not how God wants things to be. That’s what we do sometimes!

When you get saved, you’re under a microscope all of the time!!! Most are waiting for you to make a mistake, it seems and when you feel overwhelmed, sometimes it’s not as easy to let people know that you’re struggling a bit and even though it can be all over your face, not everyone sees it because they’re so busy waiting for you to fall! So even though I knew something was off, I knew I had to keep reading my Bible and praying!

So here I am, continuing in my routine and that’s how it was feeling too – like a routine! It felt so dry and disconnected! Like I know God was there – the dryness wasn’t on His part! I knew it was all me but I didn’t know what was causing it! I was so focused on the problems, knowing only God could solve them but still focused on the things that I had just told God about instead of focusing on Him!! That right there gets us every time!!! I always think of Peter! He was walking on the water to Jesus just fine until he started focusing on the storm around him! Keeping our eyes on Jesus is what takes us through the storm!

So since I wasn’t getting what was weighing me down, God started waking me up at like 3/4 in the morning, every morning!! I’d fight to go back to sleep! I was so tired all the time during those months! No matter how much I slept, I was exhausted! So I’m like, I gotta be up in 2/2 1/2 hours! He just kept waking me up! Kept waking me up! One night I woke up and just laid there! Then I said, “You must want me up, huh?” 🤦🏽‍♀️😂 And He did! My exhaustion wasn’t physical. It was mental. Even during the day, I was praying & reading but I was still focusing on other things during that time. Even dreaming about them so I never rested mentally! So when God started waking me up, I started reading my Bible and praying but at that hour, I wasn’t worrying about the daily issues at all! Only thing on my mind was sleep initially but then He helped me realize, “OK. God has me up for a reason!”

During that time, He let me see that I was in a dry spell! I was reading. I was praying but it wasn’t changing my mindset because I allowed my problems to block any effect they would have if I were open! Going through the motions is bodily exercise and the Bible tells us that it profiteth nothing! It’s good for nothing whatsoever! I had to literally practice the behavior of giving these things to God that I had never dealt with before!

One thing I’ve learned is a lot of people don’t tell you that a lot of the behaviors we need to change once saved, are behaviors that MUST be practiced! You don’t get patience overnight. It’s a learned behavior! You can’t just say you’re trying and then every time you get an opportunity to have patience you ignore it and do what you always have done! You can’t change that way! These were all new/recently resurfaced issues I was facing and I couldn’t just rely on what I had been doing on my normal, everyday walk! I had to go back to the manual (God) and seek instructions! We cannot lean on our own understanding to get through! We are not equipped and we are not reliable enough to overcome some battles we face! God has to sometimes remind us and take us back to when He first brought us out! We sometimes get way too comfortable! I know that was my issue! My dry spell came about because I was taking on things on my own! Thinking I could just keep on keeping on instead of going back to Jesus as a child, leaning on Him for help to get through!

Now some may look and judge and act as if there has never or will never be a time when a dry spell is present in their life and to those people who think that way, I sincerely pray it doesn’t! Looking back on it, it wasn’t fun! But I’m an honest person and I’m honest enough to say that sometimes God feels a million miles away from me and sometimes I feel a million miles away from God. I love Him. He loves me. But sometimes living saved is hard. Not to say I don’t want to be saved but I’m saying, it’s not all, “Hallelujah anyhow!” because of things like this! When you think you’re dotting every “i” & crossing every “t” to realize you’re on a hamster wheel, that can be very discouraging but it’s those very weaknesses that God needs us to bring to Him. He doesn’t look for us to be perfect but honest in the fact that we need Him every minute of every hour. Some folks act as though they’re on the right side of Jesus’ throne they’re so holy but I’ve found that kinda thinking gets me nowhere. I mess up. I fall asleep sometimes before praying. People get on my nerves at times. Sometimes, I don’t feel like reading my Bible. (Although I still do because as I tell God – I need to read, You don’t need me to read!) HONESTY! Rather it’s spiritual dryness or overcoming an addiction – we have to be honest in our mess to overcome our mess!!!

Now, I’m a firm believer that anything God allows us to go through and get through, He wants us to GROW through! So I’m a lot more conscious about leaving my crap at the throne! Sometimes it’s hard! Someone talks about it. Or you see it. It’s like, ugh! But whatever it may be the important thing is to try to do better!!

Lastly, anyone that is going through what they feel is spiritual dryness, don’t feel ashamed!!!!!! More have been there than you think! Talk to someone you trust if you feel you cannot get out of it on your own! Have them pray for you and with you! Be honest about what you’re going through! And please, don’t give up! It may seem like God isn’t there but He is right there and is simply waiting on you!!!

With Broken Beautifulness,

Kiesh💕💕

Breathe & Stop…!

Heyyyyyyyyy y’all!!!!! Omgosh! What a crazy couple of weeks it’s been!!!! Where I’ve been is the root of this piece but at the time I had no idea it would be!!!

See there has been soooooo much going on in my life and I’ve always been the type to pile on and pile on and just keep going until I run out of energy and finally some kind of explosion of emotion would take place after a while to release all the frustration, exhaustion, irritation, etc. which was one vicious, unhealthy cycle. Now that I am aware of those unhealthy habits – I try my best to avoid them! So this time around – when I realized how heavy everything had been weighing on me, I decided to go on vacation! Now I didn’t go out of town – I was still here in happy Ohio 🙄 but I cut myself off from pretty much everyone and limited myself to pretty much just work and straight home. The cares of this life can completely kill ones spirit and I felt like I was dying! I was reading my word – I was praying – I was going to church but my heart still felt so heavy! So God led me to take some time away and just have some down time for myself and spend some quality, unrushed time with Him!

At first, it felt so odd! I mean running here and there – trying to be there for everyone is my day to day routine and to not do that was just so weird but it was something that was necessary for me if I was going to get out of the spiritual and mental rut I was in. We take so much on everyday and we try to be strong thinking that admitting we are running out of juice means we aren’t as strong spiritually, mentally and physically as we seem but we forget that WE. ARE. HUMAN!!! We cannot keep running and running without taking time to get ourselves charged back up in every way! Sometimes you need to be away in order to remember why you’re running so hard in the first place! See for me, after God saved me, I mean really saved me – pleasing Him became the most important thing to me so things that I may have ignored previously, I just couldn’t anymore. Now the enemy definitely tried to make me think that me feeling overwhelmed meant that I wasn’t really saved or that my relationship with God was lacking but that’s what that fool does… spread LIES!! He wants us to believe that us being human means we are damaged goods and can’t get closer to God but I’ll tell you like the old saints used to say… HE’s A LIE!!!

So at first, it was weird but I stuck with it! First thing I did was just let God know everything I was feeling! Reading my Bible and praying was good but before I could start there, I had to release everything I was feeling. I think sometimes we forget how big God is and He wants us to cast all our cares upon Him!! It’s crazy that I know that but in the everyday hustle and bustle, I forget and carry weight that I was never meant to! At first I felt shame faced because I’m just thinking, “omgosh why did you let it get to this Kiesha?” but I had to push back and just get to it! It didn’t take long for the tears to flow because I was more overwhelmed than I initially thought! I don’t have it all together. I am overwhelmed. I need help! Lord, I need your help! I need you to show me how to balance this life and not drown in it! I need you to show me how to handle being criticized, lied on and talked about and still love those that do it withholding absolutely nothing!

See the thing is this – it’s not hard living your “Yes!” to God once you have a made up mind – what’s hard it’s dealing with the persecution that comes with it and not reacting how you used to before giving your life to God! I can’t cuss somebody out! I can’t go off on them! I can’t punch them in the face! Those were my before reactions! Now, I couldn’t react that way even if I wanted to but seeing how people treat you and talk about you on a daily basis! Mean for no reason! Plus working everyday, 8 hours a day! On top of family issues. People sick. People dying. On top of just trying to get enough rest to deal with the next days batch of woes – it can weigh one down!!! I know my heart now. I know my intentions. I know what I am going through. But most people don’t care! They’re so wrapped up in their own selves that you can be crying in the same room as them and they’d never even know it because they don’t pay any attention to you because you’re not a friend, family member, etc. That’s why it’s so important to be able to know how to reach God because people will leave you stranded and not care at all!! That’s why I knew it was time to get the time in with God! So Monday through Saturday – I took time for myself – I was in the bed around 8 pm every night; I limited my contact with people and I went home after work. I used the time to pray, fast and read my Bible – just reconnect with God!!

Y’all I feel like a new woman!!! No joke!!!! I know I have a bit of an advantage because I have no kids or spouse at this time but hey, if you’re even able to do a day – try it! God took a day to rest and I understand it more than ever – although I needed a whole week! The perspective I gained; the insight – totally worth the isolation! I was elevated mentally and spiritually and man, I’ll be making this apart of a regular routine because it’s exactly what I needed – rest and time to myself and time with my King!!!! No matter how strong we may be, no matter how much we can handle – it’ll be more the next day so take some time to simply, Breathe… and Stop!

With Broken Beautifulness,

Kiesh💕💕

Courage to Change!

Hey everyone!!! I hope you all have been doing well!!!! I got something that’s been on my heart and mind for a while and last week, the Lord confirmed to me that this should be my next post!!! This post is for those that know they need to change but are afraid that they will “fail” or “mess up!” or afraid of all the people they could lose, etc.!!

One of the hardest things I feel we go through is realizing when we need to change! Everyone walks around like their burps don’t stink when we are all a mess in different ways and trying to figure out this thing called LIFE! As amazing as God has worked in my life! As happy as I am now! I still have things that God is working on in me right this second! I am not perfect! No one is! And although you may see a difference in me and my lifestyle, I am still very much a work in progress but the thing is – I KNOW that I still have things about me that need to be changed and I accept that instead of trying to cover it up, posing as perfection! There is no perfection on this earth! The only perfection resides in Heaven! So anyone claiming as though they don’t fail or need to be worked on is not only lacking honesty with you and others but also they’re lacking (say it with me) SELF-HONESTY!!!!!

Now this next statement may come as a surprise to some but coming from a person who has changed and works to change every single day, I say it with all confidence! CHANGE. IS. NOT. HARD!!!!! The only time changing is hard is when you have not made up your mind to do it! Take losing weight for instance. For so many years I HATED my size! I was so embarrassed that t-shirts didn’t fit! (the bottom part of my belly was always cold :-|) – I was so oddly shaped! I already had a big behind but now there was roundage EVERYWHERE! I looked like a friggin’ bumblebee! (you know – pushed out belly, big rear and little legs! 😦 hahaha!) Seriously though!!! I HATED the way I looked but I continued to eat the wrong things. I continued to not exercise and just be lazy! So my pants size kept going up! I didn’t like my circumstances but my mind was not yet made up to change them! But one day, I was just tired! Sick of how I looked! Sick of being talked about! Sick of not feeling comfortable and confident in my own skin! So I MADE. UP. MY. MIND!!!! Sometimes I wanted to give up! Sometimes I didn’t feel like getting up at 5 am to go to the gym! Sometimes I wanted a burger instead of a salad but my mind was made up! So any time the easy route came to mind – my made up mind remembered that I had a goal and that I had to keep pushing!!!! A made up mind will take you places you never knew you could even go!

This is true of those that say they want to change their life also! They want to get saved! They want to live a good, clean life! The first step is a made up mind!! A mind to stop doing things your own way! A mind to not try to do the bare minimum to get by! A mind to surrender your will to God’s will! It all starts in making up your mind!! Some may say that I don’t know what I am talking about! Some may say it is hard! My question is – can you look back and honestly say that your mind has ever been truly made up!! See a lot of people say they want to change and what they really mean is they want their situation to change and they know God can do that! There’s a difference in wanting to change yourself and wanting your situation to change! See if you just try to change to fix a situation, then when it is fixed – you’ll go back to doing exactly what you did before! A lot of people say “yes” for the blessings! I was once that person! I said “yes!” because I wanted to please other people!! Now we’ve discussed this before – you can never really please people so believe me, my “yes” ran out and I walked away!!! But when God was dealing with me this time – I gave Him my “yes!” because I was truly tired of the life I was living and I wanted to be a better person! Now when I knew it was time, I was so afraid! I knew that I was ready BUT I thought about all the things I could possibly lose! The relationships that would end! The people that would walk away! And that absolutely happened but because I had the courage to change who I am – even when people walked away, I still had strength to stand afterwards! Why? Because I had a MADE. UP. MIND!!

It’s sometimes so easy to continue in what we know is familiar! Talking to the same people. Going to the same places. Wearing the same hair style. But sometimes, change is not only absolutely necessary for growth but it’s necessary for a better life! Who wants to stay the same year after year; day after day?!? I know people I used to be friends & in relationships with – still doing the same thing they used to! Still starting drama. Still bar and club hopping. Still not able to see the issues within them own selves! To them – they may be happy – to each is own! But as for me – I don’t want to stay the same always! Now don’t get me wrong – the root of who I am, is who I am! I am Kiesh! Goofy, loud, hard-loving, passionate and silly Kiesh! But I want to evolve and mature every day! I don’t want the same thing that made me upset two years ago to make me upset now! I don’t to hold grudges. I don’t want to stay isolated and not meet new people! I don’t want to automatically see the worse in people because of people in my past! I want to grow for the better!! That’s just me! And the only time I’ve ever had a problem with change is when I didn’t want to do it!

I feel it’s also important to note that if you feel you are ready for a change – please make sure you are changing for yourself!!! You have you all day, everyday – in the most secretive of places, it’s you! So you have to be comfortable and ready for whatever change is coming so you cannot do it for someone else because the change won’t truly last! Change needs to be in your heart and once you make your mind up – it will be!!! Will it be scary? Absolutely! Will people look at you crazy? Of course!! Will people walk away? FORTUNATELY, YES!!! I say fortunately because ANYBODY that walks away from you while you’re trying to make your life better – was never a friend in the first place!! So raise your hand and wave “So Long Buh-Bye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” They don’t need to go where you’re headed anyway!!!!

Change for yourself! Change for life!!!

With Broken, Beautifulness,

💕💕Kiesh

One Man’s Trash….

Hey yall!!!!! I just want to take this moment to say THANK YOU all for the support!!! If you haven’t already – go like the facebook/insta pages – both are @wearebrokenbeautifully and check out the pics and vids from this past weekends event!!! Also, if this is your first time, please start at “Scars to Beauty Marks! Part One!” so you’re up to speed and got the low down and everything!!

So for this one – man after this weekends event, “Walk in My Shoes!” – I woke up Sunday morning and out of nowhere, I busted into tears!! NOT sad tears at all – tears of pure joy and thankfulness!!! I still cannot believe that a few months ago, I was telling God “NO!” about starting this blog but I now realize – I said, “no!” because I was focused on me and the impact it could possibly have on me instead of focusing on The Kingdom of God and how many people this blog… this movement could help!! I am just thankful for the encouragement from God to let me know I can do it and from my amazing circle that helped pushed me along the way!

After the event, I couldn’t believe and still cannot believe that God has been and is able to use me to do His work! I am thankful. Humbled. Appreciative. Elated. Those words partially describe how I feel! I don’t think I could ever really describe how I feel knowing that God has chosen me to help others know who He is and find peace through Him and within themselves!! See, I’ve told you guys – I have always counted myself out as well as have always been counted out! Kiesha wasn’t the prettiest. The smartest. The funniest. I was just always the craziest! Even when I gave my life back to God, I never expected to be used by Him in any significant way! I figured I had done too much! I’d left too many times. I’d drank too much. Been angry too much! I just allowed the things that I did in my past to define the relationship I was going to have with God… AND THAT WAS MY MISTAKE AS WELL AS SO MANY OTHERS MISTAKE! When we give our life to God – it has nothing to do with our past except that He is saving us from it! In Him, ALL THINGS ARE MADE NEW! That includes who you are and who He calls you to be! We aren’t defined by our old habits; our old way of thinking; our old friends, etc. We come in with a clean slate and whomever He wants to use – He will use!!!

I often think of Paul! He is my absolute favorite when it comes to seeing that your past doesn’t define who God can make you to be! He was a man that actually persecuted people for believing in God! He made it his business to even be in attendance when others were persecuting people for their belief! He sought out to go find them so they could be persecuted! Oh but one day…. One day his spiritual eyes were opened to see that the very God whom he persecuted is the same God he’d come to love so very much! I don’t recall one time God throwing in Paul’s face the things he had done! However, I do remember Him telling Paul that His grace was sufficient and that His strength is made perfect in weakness! (my fav scripture EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

God doesn’t throw our past up in our faces like people do but we constantly throw it up in our own face also! We allow what we think others will say about us now because of our past and that scares us from being bold in who He has made and is making us to be but one thing I’ve learned and it’s something I have to continue to remember every single day…. It’s not about them! It doesn’t matter who says something about your past! Anyone who is throwing up your past hasn’t been delivered from theirs and need a bit more time on the altar because SAINTS don’t throw up the past but they glorify in it because God has freed us and we are no longer bound by it! Don’t let anyone fool you to think they’ve been perfect and that they don’t have skeletons in their closets that they hope are never revealed! We ALL have some!

Sometimes I think God gets a kick off of using the ones that man count out just so He can let them know…. you ain’t got the final say in nothing!!! His ways are not our ways neither His thoughts our thoughts – so what man thinks is to be glorified, God might want it to be brought low!

We have to stop allowing others to dictate who we are now versus who we were! I don’t want to be the same person tomorrow (if the Lord blesses me to see it) that I was today…. I want to be BETTER every day and so does God but people love to keep people the same especially when they feel it threatens their status. Not everyone is real when they say they are wishing you success and blah, blah, blah! Some are okay with you going a little bit higher as long as you stay below them! But thank goodness they don’t have the final say!!!!

I can tell you from my own personal experience, I can tell the ones who have changed towards me since God has began to move into my life! Did it make me upset? Absolutely not! They probably have no idea that I even realized it! But there is no reason to get upset about it – I am not trying to do anything malicious! I’m just over here living and letting God live in me and what happens afterwards is God’s business not mine! I continue to pray for them. Speak to them! And I keep it moving! But I cannot stop working for God because it makes others uncomfortable! I didn’t ask for any of this! Telling complete strangers my business! Being transparent about things I NEVER shared with anyone…. nah, this wasn’t my plan but it came with my “Yes!” to God and so I’m learning to embrace it!

I remember being told so much in my life that I would never amount to anything and I believed it because I heard it so much! When I got saved, I was so ate up with what everyone else had to say about me that I couldn’t clearly hear what God was trying to say to me and anything I told myself was just a repeat of the negative talk from someone else! But He was trying to show me that I was beautiful! That I could become someone! That my past didn’t define me! That I am loved! That I am special! And it has nothing to do with what I can do for Him but simply because I am me! So whoever you are, wherever you are – if you are similar to who I used to be; if you have began to believe the negative talk others have spoken over your life! STOP NOW!!! Go to the mirror and look at yourself! Grab on to something strong and with all the confidence in the world tell yourself…. Man’s Trash Is God’s TREASURE!!! You are loved! You are appreciated! You are treasured by God!!!!

With Broken, Beautifulness,

-Kiesh💕💕

Pleasing Pleases No One!

Listen here! The title for this piece flowed like a new wig fresh out the packaging! It shook me!! But man, it’s the absolute truth!

See, I’ve told you guys before – I was always about trying to please other people! How I acted. How I looked. What I said. What I did. All about trying to please everyone but myself! A lot of the problems that I went through, I realized it had nothing to do with other people and everything to do with me! I gave my power to those I was trying to please and they decided on if what I did was good or not. What a life, huh? How disappointing it felt to try my best to please everyone and my best still not be good enough!

The thing so many of us need to realize is that no matter what you do, trying to please everyone else will not only NOT please them (somebody ALWAYS got something to say) but it also won’t be pleasing to you! Don’t you know that what you think, feel, want, need – matters! But if you always put those things on the shelf, you’re living a life for someone else and even they won’t be happy with the life you’re living!

Everyone nowadays are all about appearance! If I wear this, I look like I have this status and so on and so forth but what would happen if everyone just realized how awesome it is to just be yourself, do your best every single day and do what makes you happy? How amazing would that look for people to not speak negatively about those who are different from them? Pretty amazing! To me, THAT’S living your best life!!! But that’s not the case and everyone tries to avoid being looked at in a negative manner or as being “unpopular” so we spend all our time, money and efforts trying to please the ones around us not realizing it’s a plan that will always fail!

Gods word tells us to put confidence in Him, not in man! It’s because people are moody and you can do something on Monday that’s the best thing ever and then on Wednesday, it’s offensive! It’s not to say that you don’t want to make someone proud of you – yours parents, your family, friends, etc. but don’t put all of your efforts and energy just to make them happy – stop and do what makes you happy first because if you do what makes you happy first, then if others are disappointed, you still have the approval of you!

-Kiesh💕💕

Her Crown, My Crown

Her Crown, My Crown;

Such a difference between the two.

Different women; different stories;

Different ways we made it through.

See, I might’ve went left;

But she had to go right.

Sometimes she kept it peaceful;

But me, I had to fight.

Her dad may have been her best friend;

While mine remained an enemy.

Her childhood could’ve been a blessing;

While mine stayed a tragedy.

I don’t know what makes her, her;

And she doesn’t know why I’m me.

I don’t understand the moves she makes;

And my path, to her, is still a mystery.

She don’t think how I think.

And my mind isn’t one she understands.

She may put her trust in her family;

While I don’t put confidence in man.

Her beauty is because she stays true to her.

My beauty, because I stay true to me.

Yet there is so much division among us

But as to why, I cannot see!

She loves the path she is taking,

And I must say, I am enjoying mine;

But there is no reason to point out each others flaws,

There is no reason to create a divide.

It’s time we learn to help each other up;

It’s so easy to pull each other down!

No matter the difference between us,

We can respect both her and my CROWN!

– Kiesh