Courage to Change!

Hey everyone!!! I hope you all have been doing well!!!! I got something that’s been on my heart and mind for a while and last week, the Lord confirmed to me that this should be my next post!!! This post is for those that know they need to change but are afraid that they will “fail” or “mess up!” or afraid of all the people they could lose, etc.!!

One of the hardest things I feel we go through is realizing when we need to change! Everyone walks around like their burps don’t stink when we are all a mess in different ways and trying to figure out this thing called LIFE! As amazing as God has worked in my life! As happy as I am now! I still have things that God is working on in me right this second! I am not perfect! No one is! And although you may see a difference in me and my lifestyle, I am still very much a work in progress but the thing is – I KNOW that I still have things about me that need to be changed and I accept that instead of trying to cover it up, posing as perfection! There is no perfection on this earth! The only perfection resides in Heaven! So anyone claiming as though they don’t fail or need to be worked on is not only lacking honesty with you and others but also they’re lacking (say it with me) SELF-HONESTY!!!!!

Now this next statement may come as a surprise to some but coming from a person who has changed and works to change every single day, I say it with all confidence! CHANGE. IS. NOT. HARD!!!!! The only time changing is hard is when you have not made up your mind to do it! Take losing weight for instance. For so many years I HATED my size! I was so embarrassed that t-shirts didn’t fit! (the bottom part of my belly was always cold :-|) – I was so oddly shaped! I already had a big behind but now there was roundage EVERYWHERE! I looked like a friggin’ bumblebee! (you know – pushed out belly, big rear and little legs! 😦 hahaha!) Seriously though!!! I HATED the way I looked but I continued to eat the wrong things. I continued to not exercise and just be lazy! So my pants size kept going up! I didn’t like my circumstances but my mind was not yet made up to change them! But one day, I was just tired! Sick of how I looked! Sick of being talked about! Sick of not feeling comfortable and confident in my own skin! So I MADE. UP. MY. MIND!!!! Sometimes I wanted to give up! Sometimes I didn’t feel like getting up at 5 am to go to the gym! Sometimes I wanted a burger instead of a salad but my mind was made up! So any time the easy route came to mind – my made up mind remembered that I had a goal and that I had to keep pushing!!!! A made up mind will take you places you never knew you could even go!

This is true of those that say they want to change their life also! They want to get saved! They want to live a good, clean life! The first step is a made up mind!! A mind to stop doing things your own way! A mind to not try to do the bare minimum to get by! A mind to surrender your will to God’s will! It all starts in making up your mind!! Some may say that I don’t know what I am talking about! Some may say it is hard! My question is – can you look back and honestly say that your mind has ever been truly made up!! See a lot of people say they want to change and what they really mean is they want their situation to change and they know God can do that! There’s a difference in wanting to change yourself and wanting your situation to change! See if you just try to change to fix a situation, then when it is fixed – you’ll go back to doing exactly what you did before! A lot of people say “yes” for the blessings! I was once that person! I said “yes!” because I wanted to please other people!! Now we’ve discussed this before – you can never really please people so believe me, my “yes” ran out and I walked away!!! But when God was dealing with me this time – I gave Him my “yes!” because I was truly tired of the life I was living and I wanted to be a better person! Now when I knew it was time, I was so afraid! I knew that I was ready BUT I thought about all the things I could possibly lose! The relationships that would end! The people that would walk away! And that absolutely happened but because I had the courage to change who I am – even when people walked away, I still had strength to stand afterwards! Why? Because I had a MADE. UP. MIND!!

It’s sometimes so easy to continue in what we know is familiar! Talking to the same people. Going to the same places. Wearing the same hair style. But sometimes, change is not only absolutely necessary for growth but it’s necessary for a better life! Who wants to stay the same year after year; day after day?!? I know people I used to be friends & in relationships with – still doing the same thing they used to! Still starting drama. Still bar and club hopping. Still not able to see the issues within them own selves! To them – they may be happy – to each is own! But as for me – I don’t want to stay the same always! Now don’t get me wrong – the root of who I am, is who I am! I am Kiesh! Goofy, loud, hard-loving, passionate and silly Kiesh! But I want to evolve and mature every day! I don’t want the same thing that made me upset two years ago to make me upset now! I don’t to hold grudges. I don’t want to stay isolated and not meet new people! I don’t want to automatically see the worse in people because of people in my past! I want to grow for the better!! That’s just me! And the only time I’ve ever had a problem with change is when I didn’t want to do it!

I feel it’s also important to note that if you feel you are ready for a change – please make sure you are changing for yourself!!! You have you all day, everyday – in the most secretive of places, it’s you! So you have to be comfortable and ready for whatever change is coming so you cannot do it for someone else because the change won’t truly last! Change needs to be in your heart and once you make your mind up – it will be!!! Will it be scary? Absolutely! Will people look at you crazy? Of course!! Will people walk away? FORTUNATELY, YES!!! I say fortunately because ANYBODY that walks away from you while you’re trying to make your life better – was never a friend in the first place!! So raise your hand and wave “So Long Buh-Bye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” They don’t need to go where you’re headed anyway!!!!

Change for yourself! Change for life!!!

With Broken, Beautifulness,

💕💕Kiesh

One Man’s Trash….

Hey yall!!!!! I just want to take this moment to say THANK YOU all for the support!!! If you haven’t already – go like the facebook/insta pages – both are @wearebrokenbeautifully and check out the pics and vids from this past weekends event!!! Also, if this is your first time, please start at “Scars to Beauty Marks! Part One!” so you’re up to speed and got the low down and everything!!

So for this one – man after this weekends event, “Walk in My Shoes!” – I woke up Sunday morning and out of nowhere, I busted into tears!! NOT sad tears at all – tears of pure joy and thankfulness!!! I still cannot believe that a few months ago, I was telling God “NO!” about starting this blog but I now realize – I said, “no!” because I was focused on me and the impact it could possibly have on me instead of focusing on The Kingdom of God and how many people this blog… this movement could help!! I am just thankful for the encouragement from God to let me know I can do it and from my amazing circle that helped pushed me along the way!

After the event, I couldn’t believe and still cannot believe that God has been and is able to use me to do His work! I am thankful. Humbled. Appreciative. Elated. Those words partially describe how I feel! I don’t think I could ever really describe how I feel knowing that God has chosen me to help others know who He is and find peace through Him and within themselves!! See, I’ve told you guys – I have always counted myself out as well as have always been counted out! Kiesha wasn’t the prettiest. The smartest. The funniest. I was just always the craziest! Even when I gave my life back to God, I never expected to be used by Him in any significant way! I figured I had done too much! I’d left too many times. I’d drank too much. Been angry too much! I just allowed the things that I did in my past to define the relationship I was going to have with God… AND THAT WAS MY MISTAKE AS WELL AS SO MANY OTHERS MISTAKE! When we give our life to God – it has nothing to do with our past except that He is saving us from it! In Him, ALL THINGS ARE MADE NEW! That includes who you are and who He calls you to be! We aren’t defined by our old habits; our old way of thinking; our old friends, etc. We come in with a clean slate and whomever He wants to use – He will use!!!

I often think of Paul! He is my absolute favorite when it comes to seeing that your past doesn’t define who God can make you to be! He was a man that actually persecuted people for believing in God! He made it his business to even be in attendance when others were persecuting people for their belief! He sought out to go find them so they could be persecuted! Oh but one day…. One day his spiritual eyes were opened to see that the very God whom he persecuted is the same God he’d come to love so very much! I don’t recall one time God throwing in Paul’s face the things he had done! However, I do remember Him telling Paul that His grace was sufficient and that His strength is made perfect in weakness! (my fav scripture EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

God doesn’t throw our past up in our faces like people do but we constantly throw it up in our own face also! We allow what we think others will say about us now because of our past and that scares us from being bold in who He has made and is making us to be but one thing I’ve learned and it’s something I have to continue to remember every single day…. It’s not about them! It doesn’t matter who says something about your past! Anyone who is throwing up your past hasn’t been delivered from theirs and need a bit more time on the altar because SAINTS don’t throw up the past but they glorify in it because God has freed us and we are no longer bound by it! Don’t let anyone fool you to think they’ve been perfect and that they don’t have skeletons in their closets that they hope are never revealed! We ALL have some!

Sometimes I think God gets a kick off of using the ones that man count out just so He can let them know…. you ain’t got the final say in nothing!!! His ways are not our ways neither His thoughts our thoughts – so what man thinks is to be glorified, God might want it to be brought low!

We have to stop allowing others to dictate who we are now versus who we were! I don’t want to be the same person tomorrow (if the Lord blesses me to see it) that I was today…. I want to be BETTER every day and so does God but people love to keep people the same especially when they feel it threatens their status. Not everyone is real when they say they are wishing you success and blah, blah, blah! Some are okay with you going a little bit higher as long as you stay below them! But thank goodness they don’t have the final say!!!!

I can tell you from my own personal experience, I can tell the ones who have changed towards me since God has began to move into my life! Did it make me upset? Absolutely not! They probably have no idea that I even realized it! But there is no reason to get upset about it – I am not trying to do anything malicious! I’m just over here living and letting God live in me and what happens afterwards is God’s business not mine! I continue to pray for them. Speak to them! And I keep it moving! But I cannot stop working for God because it makes others uncomfortable! I didn’t ask for any of this! Telling complete strangers my business! Being transparent about things I NEVER shared with anyone…. nah, this wasn’t my plan but it came with my “Yes!” to God and so I’m learning to embrace it!

I remember being told so much in my life that I would never amount to anything and I believed it because I heard it so much! When I got saved, I was so ate up with what everyone else had to say about me that I couldn’t clearly hear what God was trying to say to me and anything I told myself was just a repeat of the negative talk from someone else! But He was trying to show me that I was beautiful! That I could become someone! That my past didn’t define me! That I am loved! That I am special! And it has nothing to do with what I can do for Him but simply because I am me! So whoever you are, wherever you are – if you are similar to who I used to be; if you have began to believe the negative talk others have spoken over your life! STOP NOW!!! Go to the mirror and look at yourself! Grab on to something strong and with all the confidence in the world tell yourself…. Man’s Trash Is God’s TREASURE!!! You are loved! You are appreciated! You are treasured by God!!!!

With Broken, Beautifulness,

-Kiesh💕💕

Pleasing Pleases No One!

Listen here! The title for this piece flowed like a new wig fresh out the packaging! It shook me!! But man, it’s the absolute truth!

See, I’ve told you guys before – I was always about trying to please other people! How I acted. How I looked. What I said. What I did. All about trying to please everyone but myself! A lot of the problems that I went through, I realized it had nothing to do with other people and everything to do with me! I gave my power to those I was trying to please and they decided on if what I did was good or not. What a life, huh? How disappointing it felt to try my best to please everyone and my best still not be good enough!

The thing so many of us need to realize is that no matter what you do, trying to please everyone else will not only NOT please them (somebody ALWAYS got something to say) but it also won’t be pleasing to you! Don’t you know that what you think, feel, want, need – matters! But if you always put those things on the shelf, you’re living a life for someone else and even they won’t be happy with the life you’re living!

Everyone nowadays are all about appearance! If I wear this, I look like I have this status and so on and so forth but what would happen if everyone just realized how awesome it is to just be yourself, do your best every single day and do what makes you happy? How amazing would that look for people to not speak negatively about those who are different from them? Pretty amazing! To me, THAT’S living your best life!!! But that’s not the case and everyone tries to avoid being looked at in a negative manner or as being “unpopular” so we spend all our time, money and efforts trying to please the ones around us not realizing it’s a plan that will always fail!

Gods word tells us to put confidence in Him, not in man! It’s because people are moody and you can do something on Monday that’s the best thing ever and then on Wednesday, it’s offensive! It’s not to say that you don’t want to make someone proud of you – yours parents, your family, friends, etc. but don’t put all of your efforts and energy just to make them happy – stop and do what makes you happy first because if you do what makes you happy first, then if others are disappointed, you still have the approval of you!

-Kiesh💕💕

Her Crown, My Crown

Her Crown, My Crown;

Such a difference between the two.

Different women; different stories;

Different ways we made it through.

See, I might’ve went left;

But she had to go right.

Sometimes she kept it peaceful;

But me, I had to fight.

Her dad may have been her best friend;

While mine remained an enemy.

Her childhood could’ve  been a blessing;

While mine stayed a tragedy.

I don’t know what makes her, her;

And she doesn’t know why I’m me.

I don’t understand the moves she makes;

And my path, to her, is still a mystery.

She don’t think how I think.

And my mind isn’t one she understands.

She may put her trust in her family;

While I don’t put confidence in man.

Her beauty is because she stays true to her.

My beauty, because I stay true to me.

Yet there is so much division among us

But as to why, I cannot see!

She loves the path she is taking,

And I must say, I am enjoying mine;

But there is no reason to point out each others flaws,

There is no reason to create a divide.

It’s time we learn to help each other up;

It’s so easy to pull each other down!

No matter the difference between us,

We can respect both her and my CROWN!

 

– Kiesh

(Insert Here) for Feelings!!

So we’ve gone through a lot of different obstacles I’ve faced in my life and you guys have connected with me which I love and to my surprise have dealt with a lot of the same issues! Thankfully I’m not crazy!😂

Anywho, this particular issue, I never knew was an issue until I looked backed and realized how terrible a cycle it was and I also have never discussed it with anyone. During any stressful time in my life and as you all know was a lot of the time, instead of discussing what was bothering me or dealing with it at all, I did two things: I ate and I got angry. Food and anger were the things that comforted me whenever I was hurting and I leaned on them hard! We discussed my weight issues in part three of Scars to Beauty Marks! but this was something that I did even before it was noticeable due to me gaining weight. I kept it hidden for a while but no one knew that I had an eating disorder during my teen years!

I remember the idea came to me when I watched this movie on Lifetime called “A Secret Between Friends!” it was about two friends who had an eating disorder – eating a bunch of crap and then making themselves throw it back up so they wouldn’t gain any weight! In the end, one of the girls told on her friend to try to save her. I figured this would be easy for me because I didn’t have friends really to keep a secret like that with, and of course in my teenage mind, I could control it where it wouldn’t be bad on me or my health, so I thought this was a good plan for me!

Doritos, all things sweets, just bunches of friggin junk; an extra helping of this and an extra helping of that – and then I would go into the bathroom, turn on the faucet and puke my guts out so there was no evidence of what I had done. Thinking back on it now – it was really disgusting and sad but in the moment, I thought – a few minutes of gagging was worth not being fat! It was worth covering up so I could experience the comfort I felt when I ate the foods that tasted so good to me!

See people don’t realize but it’s true when it they say, food doesn’t judge – food understands!😂 You’ve had a rough day that turns into a rough year – if you are use to being an emotional eater then a cheeseburger, fries and a shake are going to make you feel so good…. until after you eat it because the pain doesn’t go away; it’s just on pause while you get your fix! The same thing goes for people who use alcohol, drugs, sex, etc. We all have something that we lean on to make us feel good when things go really bad but unless it’s Jesus, the satisfaction of it doesn’t last so you have to keep consuming more and more of it so it will last longer! See with Jesus… one good hit and it’ll last you all day… maybe even the rest of the week! The best part about Him is, there’s no guilt after you get you a taste either! You can get some everyday and it’s gets better each and every time! Most importantly, it makes you better each and every time!

So for me, food, that was what I fell back on as well as anger! If I had a bad day, somebody was going to have an even worse day because I was gonna find a reason to pop off and take my frustration out on them and anyone that was around by default! It’s so true when they say, hurt people hurt people! I can speak from personal experience: when you’ve been hurt and keep getting hurt over and over again, it’s a chain reaction because you take what someone has done to you out on someone else! The least little thing made me blow up. I held grudges. I fought. I cussed people out. I talked about them badly. I made them feel like their existing was an issue… why? Because to me, my existing was an issue and instead of having Self-Honesty, I did what I thought was the next best thing and that was make someone else question their life because then I’m not alone in how I’m thinking and feeling and there was a little bit of comfort there.

That’s why it’s so important for us to be in touch with our feelings and understand how to truly communicate them so that we engage in a healthy cycle. It never stops with one thing… if your mental health isn’t good then likely you’re not taking care of yourself physical or spiritually which will, if given the chance, weigh on your emotional health and before you know it, you’re just an unhealthy person! See my physical health was great at first – I was an athlete; always active and eating right but then my emotional state finally got so low that I stopped taking care of myself physically and that slowly but surely went south because I only made myself vomit after eating for so long; one day my brother caught me and I still don’t know to this day if he realizes what I was doing but him catching me, scared me and I pretty much stopped but I kept eating and the weight caught up to me making me sad and depressed; add on the fact that now I was drinking like a fish and completely neglected myself spiritually, I was just one unhealthy person!

My point is, it all truly does flow together: physical, mental, spiritual and emotional health! I feel the most important (obvi) is spiritual good health! Why? Because I feel like if your life is aligned spiritually then everything else will follow! There are times when that emotional eating tries to step back in but the Word is a reminder, “eat so much as is sufficient for thee!” Girl you better PRAY! Or when I don’t want to work out and be active and then “know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost [which is] in you!” The Word is a reminder but it’s up to us to obey it when it comes!

I am still not in the best shape that I could be in but I am getting there, I think! I am lot more aware of what I put in my body and how much! Sometimes I still don’t do as well as I should but I am working daily to get better at it! My advice to anyone that is using something to make themselves feel good or better about their situation…. Try Jesus! Acknowledge the problem. Give yourself a good dose of Self-Honesty and give Him a try!! It took years for me to get things on track but now that I have, even when I have slip-ups, it’s a much better feeling than I had when I wasn’t taking care of myself in all the ways possible! If you truly want to love you – start acknowledging the feelings you have and the cycle you use to work through them and if it’s anything like mine was – rather it’s food, drugs, alcohol, people – you’re not loving yourself enough – you can do better for you!! CHOOSE YOU!!!!!

With Beautiful Brokenness,

-Kiesh💕💕