Heyyyyyyyyy y’all!!!!! Omgosh! What a crazy couple of weeks it’s been!!!! Where I’ve been is the root of this piece but at the time I had no idea it would be!!!
See there has been soooooo much going on in my life and I’ve always been the type to pile on and pile on and just keep going until I run out of energy and finally some kind of explosion of emotion would take place after a while to release all the frustration, exhaustion, irritation, etc. which was one vicious, unhealthy cycle. Now that I am aware of those unhealthy habits – I try my best to avoid them! So this time around – when I realized how heavy everything had been weighing on me, I decided to go on vacation! Now I didn’t go out of town – I was still here in happy Ohio 🙄 but I cut myself off from pretty much everyone and limited myself to pretty much just work and straight home. The cares of this life can completely kill ones spirit and I felt like I was dying! I was reading my word – I was praying – I was going to church but my heart still felt so heavy! So God led me to take some time away and just have some down time for myself and spend some quality, unrushed time with Him!
At first, it felt so odd! I mean running here and there – trying to be there for everyone is my day to day routine and to not do that was just so weird but it was something that was necessary for me if I was going to get out of the spiritual and mental rut I was in. We take so much on everyday and we try to be strong thinking that admitting we are running out of juice means we aren’t as strong spiritually, mentally and physically as we seem but we forget that WE. ARE. HUMAN!!! We cannot keep running and running without taking time to get ourselves charged back up in every way! Sometimes you need to be away in order to remember why you’re running so hard in the first place! See for me, after God saved me, I mean really saved me – pleasing Him became the most important thing to me so things that I may have ignored previously, I just couldn’t anymore. Now the enemy definitely tried to make me think that me feeling overwhelmed meant that I wasn’t really saved or that my relationship with God was lacking but that’s what that fool does… spread LIES!! He wants us to believe that us being human means we are damaged goods and can’t get closer to God but I’ll tell you like the old saints used to say… HE’s A LIE!!!
So at first, it was weird but I stuck with it! First thing I did was just let God know everything I was feeling! Reading my Bible and praying was good but before I could start there, I had to release everything I was feeling. I think sometimes we forget how big God is and He wants us to cast all our cares upon Him!! It’s crazy that I know that but in the everyday hustle and bustle, I forget and carry weight that I was never meant to! At first I felt shame faced because I’m just thinking, “omgosh why did you let it get to this Kiesha?” but I had to push back and just get to it! It didn’t take long for the tears to flow because I was more overwhelmed than I initially thought! I don’t have it all together. I am overwhelmed. I need help! Lord, I need your help! I need you to show me how to balance this life and not drown in it! I need you to show me how to handle being criticized, lied on and talked about and still love those that do it withholding absolutely nothing!
See the thing is this – it’s not hard living your “Yes!” to God once you have a made up mind – what’s hard it’s dealing with the persecution that comes with it and not reacting how you used to before giving your life to God! I can’t cuss somebody out! I can’t go off on them! I can’t punch them in the face! Those were my before reactions! Now, I couldn’t react that way even if I wanted to but seeing how people treat you and talk about you on a daily basis! Mean for no reason! Plus working everyday, 8 hours a day! On top of family issues. People sick. People dying. On top of just trying to get enough rest to deal with the next days batch of woes – it can weigh one down!!! I know my heart now. I know my intentions. I know what I am going through. But most people don’t care! They’re so wrapped up in their own selves that you can be crying in the same room as them and they’d never even know it because they don’t pay any attention to you because you’re not a friend, family member, etc. That’s why it’s so important to be able to know how to reach God because people will leave you stranded and not care at all!! That’s why I knew it was time to get the time in with God! So Monday through Saturday – I took time for myself – I was in the bed around 8 pm every night; I limited my contact with people and I went home after work. I used the time to pray, fast and read my Bible – just reconnect with God!!
Y’all I feel like a new woman!!! No joke!!!! I know I have a bit of an advantage because I have no kids or spouse at this time but hey, if you’re even able to do a day – try it! God took a day to rest and I understand it more than ever – although I needed a whole week! The perspective I gained; the insight – totally worth the isolation! I was elevated mentally and spiritually and man, I’ll be making this apart of a regular routine because it’s exactly what I needed – rest and time to myself and time with my King!!!! No matter how strong we may be, no matter how much we can handle – it’ll be more the next day so take some time to simply, Breathe… and Stop!
With Broken Beautifulness,