Let me start this off by saying ā if youāre not 30, I donāt know if you can relate to whatās about to be said, LOL! But forreal though! I donāt know what happens but when 30 hits ā IT. GETS REAL! LOL! So, if you canāt relate ā itās fine ā just go on somewhere because this aināt for you!
So, if the Lord blesses me to see it ā I will be 32 in a couple weeks! I feel great! I look great! (Speak good about yourself ā itās not being cocky, itās confidence and itās OK as long as you donāt go overboard, Okkkuuuuurrrrr!) Anywho, now Iāve told yall that Self-Honesty is my new found friend! She is so raw sometimes! She can be annoying! But at the end of the day, she is the TRUTH! So, when she brought to my mind the real deal of me actually being thirtyish and still single with no hopefuls in sight ā anxiety kicked in heavily! Now ā this is not meant to be shade in any way but this is just MY truth so if anyone gets offended by my next few statements, please know I apologize and I mean no disrespect to anyone! Okay ā here goes ā when youāre single and saved ā I mean, really saved; not āSunday morning savedā; not āI was raised in the church all my life but still do what I wanna doā saved; not āI believe in God but He taking too longā saved; not āI want a good man so Iām gonna quote some scriptures & wear a long skirt to attract one but I aināt got nothing on the inside but some intestinesā saved; I mean, ā24/7, 365; trying to do what the WORD says from Genesis to Revelation; loving my neighbor as I love myself; treating others the way I want to be treated; aināt nobody rubbing on me in private while I testify in public; even if I am no longer a virgin, since giving my life to God, I aināt doing nothing until I get married,ā saved (remember, no shade!) ā things can sometimes be a little scary! Now, donāt get me wrong ā when youāre really saved, you know that itās important to wait on God because His timing is always perfect BUT itās scary because, well youāre waiting on God!!! Some of us know, Godās timing is definitely not our timing! So, it can be discouraging sometimes when youāre desiring, A GOOD, SAVED MAN THAT ONLY WANTS ONE WOMAN AND IS READY TO BE MARRIED AND HAVE A FAMILY!
Ā
The reason itās discouraging for me is, well I donāt know when God is gonna say the timing is perfect! I have zero children and want to have at least 2 one day so of course, the older you get, you run the risk of a harder pregnancy! Thatās so scary to me!! Iāve wanted to be a mom literally all of my life and my baby fever lately is on GAZILLION, so Iām just like, āHey God ā that perfect timing coming soon or nah?ā Plus, when youāve dealt with such heartbreak as I have and never experienced real love, youāre sooooooooooooooo ready for that because youāve found in Jesus how REAL love feels and you desire that in a companion!! Youāre ready to experience real companionship in a spouse! See, to be with one man and have a family has been my dream for forever and a day! I wanted to get married young and pop out babies and while I know God makes no mistakes, to have that dream for so long, 31 almost 32 years seems like a long time to be waiting! (yes, Iām petty and counting ALL my years! LOL!) Especially when you see people who have that and they take advantage of it or donāt appreciate it! When I see moms especially, never wanting their kids or treating them badly, it literally breaks my heart! I think of women, like me, who have had the heart to be a good mother for as long as they could remember!!! But weāll talk about that later!!!
Iāve tried online dating ā even Christian Mingle and welp! Iām still single!!!! One of the biggest problems with being saved and single nowadays is there are people out there who say they are saved and donāt act like it! The Bible says, āMarriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiledā¦ā Hebrews 13:4 Ā as well as āNevertheless to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.ā 1 Corinthians 7:2! But it gets hard for people to believe Saved is Saved when people who say they are saved, sleep around just like everyone else! Now everyone thinks āsavedā is just code for āI believe in God and go to church but there is no actual LIFE CHANGE!ā I had a guy once so interested in me and I understand how big sex in a relationship is nowadays so I was honest with him very early and told him that there would be nothing until I was married! He dipped out so quick! My feelings werenāt hurt ā it was actually quite comical to me but it was the reality of MY dating world! Up until that point, he claimed I had everything he was looking for ā looks, personality, smart, funny, hard worker, in the church but no boogie down until the āI Doāsā ā nosuhhh! And thatās generally how it goes! That or they donāt even make it to that park because their approach is so juvenile I wonder if they still suck a pacifier!
See when youāre a saved woman ā standards are more than just having a job, own car and home ā your standards start at his relationship with God! Thatās THE most attractive thing about a man to you when you actually fall in love with Jesus! He can have the nicest car, the biggest home, the cutest smile, the cleanest suit ā but as for me ā if Jesus aināt his #1 ā move along sir, nothing to see!!! I dropped my standards I had in the world just to have someone! After my breakup and being a saved woman now, one thing I promised myself is that a man would have to seek God first before he ever had a shot at me! I even told some family members when they talked about setting me up Ā ā heāll have to date me in church before we ever actually go out anywhere! It sounds crazy but I mean that!!!! Iām not going to dinner ā you can meet me at bible study! A nice casual lunch? Nope ā letās go to noon day prayer! Then once Iāve prayed on that thing and I feel like God has directed me to take a date outside of church ā then Iāll try it but if my #1 is God and the church ā why would I date someone who doesnāt have the same #1??? UNEQUALLY YOKED folks!! Thatās a set up for a mess up!!!!! A guy will only do that for so long before his true colors show if heās not about the right thing so before anything goes anywhere ā letās go to church!!
I used to dream of dinner and dancing with my spouse; showing him off to the world and him showing me off to the world; taking trips together; but now when I think of how things will be when God blesses me with him ā I think of us with those things as well (yeah, we can dance for Jesus, turn UP!) BUT first I think of ā us studying the word, together ā us praying, together ā us going to church, TOGETHER ā us raising children in a God fearing and loving home, together! Those are the most important things to me! How sweet that will be keeps me from grabbing hold to anything that looks in my direction! It keeps me holding on to the fact that when God does it ā itās gonna be so good, itās gonna OVERFLOW!!! I donāt want mediocre. I donāt want average. The Bible says, āNow unto him that is able to do exceeding (no l or y at the end of that!) abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us!ā Ephesians 3:20! Above what we ask or even think! You know how deep that is! Your wildest, most lavish imagination ā God can top that!!!! But itās according to the power that worketh in US! So if youāre taking whatever floats your boat ā aināt no power working in you ā youāre headed to sinking sand!!!
I always think ā why would God bless me with A GOOD, SAVED MAN THAT ONLY WANTS ONE WOMAN AND IS READY TO BE MARRIED AND HAVE A FAMILY if I continue to give that which is holy to the dogs as well as casting my pearls before the swine???? Why would he bless me if I canāt even keep myself??? Now Iāve never been the type to sleep around ā Iām a relationship girl to my heart but I donāt even want to waste my time texting/calling/boo-loving ā nothing with anyone who isnāt the man God has for me! I gave too much of myself to men who didnāt deserve any part of me so this time ā I want to do things the right way even if that means the long way! In the end ā I know itās gonna be worth it!! Even when itās hard ā itās important for us to remember our worth and not take it just because itās offered to us!!! We are WORTH MORE!!!!! So while Iām sitting here ā saved, single AND thirtyish ā it gets rough sometimes but I just continue doing the work of the Lord and taking care of home (me) first so I already have a foundation solid when he does come!
Until next time,
With Broken, Beautifulness,
-Kiesh